Lost and Found
by DrabbleandFluff
Summary: At the end of the Winter War, Renji cannot be found. It has been almost a year, and Byakuya still goes to the real world to find him...an old friend reaches out to him.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. They are the property of Bleach and Kubo Tite.

Also, this is my first attempt at writing an actual story, hopefully with some plot. I have the attention span of a gnat, so I'm also hoping I finish this one. Thanks!

**Chapter 1.**

The subtle increase in atmospheric pressure was almost imperceptible.

"_Ahh…here again…"_ the store owner noted. Nothing coming from the Soul Society ever passed the acute senses of this shop keeper.

However, the bearer of this reiatsu was not trying to keep it hidden. Without fail, every week, Urahara would feel the familiar reiatsu weight itself in on the real world, in the dark night. It would pulse, twice, like a beacon, and wait….wait for a responding murmur, or scratch ….or something, anything.

There was nothing. Never an echo or response, just the empty night.

Urahara sighed. It both surprised and intrigued him that the one who would be so vigilant on recovering a lost comrade was the one who was here tonight. The former captain remembered the frenzy almost a year ago now, when the orange haired teenager and his friends had searched in vain for the Sixth Division's lieutenant.

He had gone missing at the end of the Winter War, after the pillars had fallen, and Karakura town had been brought back to the real world. The real battles began in earnest while the humans slept, and many died in their unnatural sleep. An "earthquake" had befallen the country, with Karakura as the epicenter. It was the only way to explain the crumbled buildings and overall destruction. The entire town, after waking, had been in panic. Three straight days of chaos, before the town finally settled. Then the pictures of the lost and missing began to appear. In the town plaza, pictures of entire families, children, spouses, and even pets looked out of forlorn paper squares. Had anyone seen this person? For the lucky few, lost family members had been recovered in the rubble or at the local hospitals.

Abarai Renji was not among those recovered. Reports of the lieutenant's last known position during the ensuing bedlam of all-out-war had him right over Urahara's shop, fighting with two of the hundreds of Aizen's arrancar. The roof of the shop had been ripped off, and a few of the spare gigai were missing or in pieces. One of the theories of Abarai's whereabouts, was that for some reason, he was somewhere in a gigai, unable or unwilling to let his presence be known.

After a few months of searching, even Rukia had finally accepted the fact that her childhood friend was lost, perhaps dead, and would not be recovered. She had thought there was no way Renji would intentionally hide himself from her, and had made it a point to patrol Karakura town by herself on many occasions, to give him the opportunity to find her if that were the case. She never saw him. She mourned him, as did the others.

The lone shinigami now hovering over Karakura town would never accept not finding his fukutaicho. The Kuchiki heir closed his eyes and opened his mind….picking up each and every one who had one iota of reiatsu in the vicinity, and compared it to the one he knew so intimately. Quickly, he was able to discount every flare of spiritual pressure…now too familiar with the end result of not finding the one he looked for.

Except there was one that now headed his way, also familiar to him, but not the one he sought.

"_Kuchiki-taicho! So pleasant to see you...you haven't graced us with your presence at the shop in quite a while..." _chirped the crafty shop owner.

"…_Urahara-san…" _

"_You've been coming to Karakura on a regular basis. "_ The voice was still pleasant, but it was not a question.

"_The Sixth Division does not leave anyone behind…"_ There was no reason to deny the obvious reason he was here.

"_Mmm…" _Urahara nodded, accepting the answer, confirming his assumptions of the other's presence in town, _"I'm surprised Yamamoto-soutaicho has given you free reign with your many trips here...Soul Society must still be in disarray without multiple captains." ...and lieutenants, _he thought.

_"What I do on my own time is none of their concern..."_ the bitterness in the reply was not masked. _"I also suspect you know that the Kuchiki have their own seinkaimon gate. I give myself free reign."_ The arrogance back in that last parting shot.

Urahara was a little stunned. He had never known the noble to voice anything other than calm superiority, yet here he was, in the shop keeper's opinion, practically yelling (okay, so he raised his voice a little...).

For whatever reason, the former captain wanted to help this old acquaintance of his. Urahara had known the head of the Kuchiki clan centuries ago, in a former life, when they were former friends. Now, he would be hard pressed to use that adjective to describe the relationship these two shared. Well, he would describe it as having no relationship, really. But he reached out anyways, tonight...he had a feeling the captain was a little...stressed.

_"I admire your perseverance in the matter, Kuchiki-san._ _Abarai-fukutaicho would be so honored to know you still come to the real world to look for him,"_ the sly shopkeeper joked, trying to make small talk. Little did he know his aim was quite off target.

The silence between them stretched uncomfortably, he was sure the aloof noble would not answer. It seemed it was beneath him to give voice to such things to someone like himself.

Hearing the name no one ever dared to mention is his presence anymore, the noble visibly blanched. They hadn't hid their relationship, but neither had they announced it to the whole world. In fact, no one had really known about his feelings for his fukutaicho, because no one really took a good look at the aristocrat. An observant eye would have noticed a slight warming of the steely gaze when they glanced at the second in command, or most obviously, that instead of walking a step behind his captain, Renji walked at his side. But everyone knew now, that to even breathe the man's name around the Sixth Division leader, was to be crushed with the glacial stare and the choking reiatsu.

Byakuya was in deep, and the loss of the one person that had brought so much heat and life back into his heart was devastating. It was worse than the loss of his wife. At least then, he had known she was dead, beyond his reach. This...all this not knowing... it was _torture_, it was _debilitating_...it was almost more than he could bear. He turned to Urahara, anguish blatant in his troubled stare.

"…_He is not dead. It is something I would feel. I would know it, if it were so."_ the deep timbre faltering ever so slightly. The voice dropped_,_ the confession so softly spoken, the blonde wasn't sure if he imagined the last words... _"He is merely lost, and will come home to me. I come to guide his way…."_

Urahara's eyes widened, as he understood the meaning of the words, and bowed his head in recognition of being accepted into the noble's council. Understood that the Kuchiki pride was no longer enough of a deterrent to prevent what it took for the noble to say these words to him, understood the amount of grief that must be weighing on the other man's heart, allowing him to give voice to his pain.

Surprising himself, his eyes misted over, and he had to clear his throat to respond, _"He will find his way back to you, Byakuya,"_ an echo of reassurance, his voice serious and compassionate, so unlike the Urahara everyone has come to know. Perhaps only one other has ever heard this voice. "_If I hear anything, you will be the first to know,"_ he promised.

"_Thank you, Kisuke."_ A slight inclination of the head as a response. A dismissal, if you will.

Urahara saw the mask fall into place again on the noble's face. The eyes flattened and frosted over, the misery hammered down, and sealed away. This beautiful man, he thought, ethereal in the moonlight, looked fragile and weary. Two words he never would have believed he'd use in describing the powerful and stoic captain of the Sixth division.

"_Good night, Kuchiki-taicho...Please...come see us on your next visit here..."_ In a flash, the shop keeper was gone.

Tormented grey eyes searched the town below him, stretched out for miles.

"_Renji….where are you?..."_ Byakuya whispered. _"Come home…"_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

He was thrumming with adrenaline, there was blood dripping into one eye, sweat stinging his other. All he saw in front of him was this grotesque _monster, _it's enormous ungainly claw reaching out for him, trying to knock the life out of him. Incredibly, he moved to avoid it….then there was another creature, and another. They screamed and shrieked horribly…and lunged at him…he knew he was battling for his life….he was wielding a massive bone like structure in his hand…..

The scene shifted, he was lying in bed, soft silk sheets beneath him. He slowly opened his eyes, and felt more than saw, the body lying next to him. He reached out to stroke obsidian smooth hair, a pair of eyes opened and gazed at him, and he was lost…staring into deep pools of liquid mercury. Those eyes drew him in…he leaned forward, felt his lips brush softly against another soft delicate pair. A second kiss, this one more demanding, more urgent, followed, and he felt a hand stroking his chest. He pushed out against it, inhaling deeply, a soft groan escaping his lips. The eyes pulled back and the mouth opened. He could sense that words were being said, but he couldn't hear them. Was his name being spoken?...What was that name?! He needed to hear it.….

He was back in front of the monsters, down on one knee. His breathing was becoming harsh and labored…he barely made out a large solid object hurling his way…then we was flying through the air, crashing through the roof of a small building…..

The redhead awoke, sweat drenching his entire body. He breathed heavily, his mind a mess of images in no apparent order. He sat up, placing his feet on the cold wooden floor and leaned over the side of his bed, head in his hands. He took a quick glance over to the clock on his nightstand…_5:23am_….more nightmares. He sighed.

Standing up, he walked over to his bathroom, turned on the faucet and quickly splashed some cold water on his face. He looked up at himself in the mirror…half-crazed red eyes stared back at him. He swung the mirror out, to get to the medicine cabinet behind it, and pulled out the plastic orange container with the safety cap. _Geodon 80mg…Take one capsule twice daily for schizophrenia….._ Grudgingly, he opened it up, and popped one of the capsules into his mouth, taking a quick sip of water with his hand to wash it down. Soon, he'd feel the numbness that came with the drug, and hopefully get some more sleep.

It had been only a week since he had been discharged from the hospital…no, make that _psychiatric institution._ The doctors and nurses had done their best for him, and he was grateful that those kind people had taken so much interest in him.

He was told that he had been among the wounded in the great Karakura earthquake a year ago. His head wounds had been extensive, and he had lost a lot of blood, which is why he had been transported to the trauma center located in the next city, during the chaos following the earthquake. No records were kept of who went where during the confusion, or if relatives or friends even knew where their loved ones were sent. He had just been told that no one had reported him missing, no family had come to claim him. He had lain in a coma for two months.

It was the healing after that, however, that was most difficult. Blinding headaches, extensive physical therapy to rehabilitate his unused body, and the constant images that would play in his head, hampered his recovery. It didn't help matters that he had no recollection of who he was, or where he came from. He didn't have a driver's license nor government identification card.

The doctors and nurses at the hospital had nicknamed him _Tora_, for his red hair and distinctive tattoos. Too obvious, and _embarrassing_, he thought. But, the name had stuck amongst the nurses especially, who giggled whenever he blushed at being called Tiger. The name too, had tickled something in the back of his mind…._someone_ else had called him that….but no image of who or when that was accompanied those thoughts.

Eventually, he spoke of some of the disturbing imagery that would filter through his consciousness to the physicians at the hospital.

Sometimes he'd hear things, other times, at night, he'd feel a pulsing throughout his body that brought on even more vivid images….of a giant skeletal snake, or a dragon made of ice. He could almost palpate the danger, the oppression of the atmosphere weighing him down…and then it would dissipate.

The doctors diagnosed him with schizophrenia brought on by his traumatic head injury-- "abnormalities in the perception or expression of reality". They assured him it was common for this disease to include auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, and disorganized speech and thoughts. There are good medications currently available that can alleviate his symptoms, they said. It took a few months, and different cocktails of medications, but eventually it led to what he was currently taking. At least the _Geodon_ allowed him to function, although it made him feel a little sluggish, he had gotten used to its effects and for the most part felt like himself….or what he thought was himself.

He sighed again. He hated being labeled as schizophrenic. At times, he skipped his meds, thinking he could _will_ himself into being "normal". Whenever he did that, the images came back, stronger and more realistic than ever. But the images couldn't be real. There were no monsters, or magical creatures. People did not have the ability to float in the air, or have mystical weapons. This was the 21st century, _dammit_, not some fantasy world he may have believed in when he was a child.

Today was the first day he was back in Karakura town. Maybe he didn't have family or friends here, but this was his last known place of existence. The redhead really didn't know where else to start and try to piece his life back together.

_Ahhh…_.he started to feel the mind numbing effects of the drug. It felt like a heavy blanket covering him, enfolding his body into itself. If he could envision his spirit, he'd have seen something erratic and agitated, being coated in a jelly-like substance, being concealed from those around him.

He fell back into sleep, in a few hours he'd make his first journey out to the streets of Karakura. He hoped he'd find some answers.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much for those who have reviewed this story! Your comments are appreciated! I hope this chapter isn't too jumbled. I think I rushed it.

**CH.3**

He knew it was time to wake up. Inhaling deeply, he slowly opened his eyes, blinking to adjust to the soft morning sunlight filtering into his bedroom. He liked it that this room he rented was painted white. His sheets were white, the curtains were white, even the towels in the adjacent bathroom were white. It reminded him of his former place at the _institution_...it was slightly comforting, slightly not. He had been a voluntary admit there, trying to piece his life together with the help of the professional staff….and the abundance of prescription medications. Although he had finished his rehabilitation making great strides physically, it was his emotional well being that still had him wary. No doubt a success story in the eyes of the asylum, the redhead still battled with inner insecurities regarding his own mental health.

But today he was going to be reacquainted with life in the real world and was planning on taking a nice long walk this morning to see if anything looked familiar.

Pushing himself up in bed and sitting on its edge, he ran a hand through his hair. It was barely shoulder length, and he gave his scalp a rough scratch and tussled his tangled hair. He was letting it grow out, liking the possibility of long hair…he could barely put it together at the nape of his neck currently. The hair had been shaved off over a year ago, and he had been growing it out ever since. He gave himself that last push that would send him into the bathroom for a quick morning shower.

After a full day of exploration, the lanky ex-soldier found himself walking along a quiet street. On his right, were larger buildings with businesses open to the public. A handful of people mingled in front of a mom and pops grocery, but mostly the owners were finishing up their business for the day, closing and locking their doors for the evening. The opposite side of the street opened out to a large park. It was peaceful here, the light late afternoon breeze felt refreshing with its crisp chill. It was early spring, but the grasp of winter still held on, and as the day faded to dusk, the brisk clarity of the wind pinched his ears.

The former lieutenant shivered a little and pulled up the hood on his jacket. He had walked barely a quarter of this large city, and was just headed back to his apartment, when he heard distant yelling followed by the sounds of clacking wood. The noise brought a sense of familiarity to him, and curious, he headed toward the disturbance. He came to a large industrial space, immaculate and almost _cozy _in its motif of warmly finished and laquored wood. The shouts of men and slaps of wood on wood originated from this area, and he realized he had come upon a jodo – one specializing in kendo. The cacophany sung to him, it felt soothing, giving him a feeling of comfort he hadn't felt in a long while. Grinning for the first time that day, he walked in.

* * *

It was coming up on 10:00pm. Urahara pinched just the right amount of white tea for a perfect pot and placed the delicate leaves into their ceramic housing. Picking up the hot water off the stove, he poured it into the teapot. Now it would need to steep for exactly three minutes to be perfect.

In three exact minutes, an old friend would drop by.

It had been three months since the shop owner had first encountered the Kuchiki heir….since he had invited the man to visit. That first month, the sixth division captain only came to see him once. The second month, twice. This last month, the stoic captain stopped by every week.

The shop owner had come to enjoy their quiet nights of tea. He would open up the back doors onto his veranda, so they could look out into the deep night, and feel the bright moon shining down upon them. Many nights were simply spent in companionable silence, which may seem to be quite unlike the shallow tenchou, but he enjoyed it immensely. Some nights, he drew Byakuya into easy conversation and was reminded of the noble's dry wit, and sharp mind.

The blonde had gambled a bit when calling the younger man by his given name, sans honorifics. He was reminding the anguished noble of their past together, one that had been made up of equal parts genuine friendship and friendly rivalry, one the noble could dependably fall back upon even after a century without communicating.

Although they were older, he and Yoruichi would sometimes visit with the younger heir. Yoruichi especially, felt it a personal challenge to ruffle the feathers of the introverted successor, if not to just get him to openly enjoy himself. She too, knew the weight of nobility, and they could already see the dynamic youngster carrying the burden of his status. The Kuchiki were not an indulgent family, and Byakuya was not gifted the leniency afforded Yoruichi by her own.

Kisuke had been intrigued by the young heir. It must be an inherent part of aristocracy, he thought, that drew people into you, that made them want to be around you.

When they had left, it was always in the back of his mind, that the young progeny would be left alone to the rigid and dictatorial upbringing of his clan.

To say that Urahara had been taken aback to see who the clan leader had become after all these years was an understatement. Gone was the quietly reserved young man, and in his stead was this cold, solitary captain.

The shop keeper was intrigued to know that someone had brought the unyielding man pleasure, that he was capable of it, after all. But of all people, Abarai? He was very familiar with the young fukutaicho, as he had played host to many earth bound missions for the subordinate, and Abarai had proven himself more than capable in combat. He was dedicated, and loyal, compassionate and zealous..._ahh_...that was it...the extroverted second in command was everything in opposite to his captain. And now for Byakuya to be this upset by his absence….how far had things gone on between them?

* * *

The captain of the 6th division walked into the _shoten_ more than 30 minutes later than expected. The shop owner had just about given up on seeing the proud noble, slightly miffed at that too, at almost being stood up. But one look at the captain, and Urahara knew something was amiss.

Besides that one night 3 months ago, when he was witness to the brief lapse in the icy facade, Urahara had not been privy to any more emotional outbursts.

Tonight, he saw again, a sadness reflected in those eyes. Perhaps this would be the last of the weekly visits he had more than become accustomed to, it had in fact become something he looked forward to. Instead of boiling more water for tea, Urahara reached into his cupboard and brought out his finest sake. He poured some into a ceramic bottle, and set it into the water on the stove.

No words were said.

Byakuya simply settled himself at the table.

When the sake was served, he picked up his bowl and drained it in one draught.

Silently his bowl was refilled, silently it was emptied.

Urahara's eyebrows arched into his hairline.

_"...Byakuya-san...so unlike you to try to find something at the bottom of a bowl..."_

This time Byakuya filled his own bowl and drained it again. It seemed like he just wanted to feel something other than the deep emptiness that consumed him.

"_They will declare him dead in 2 weeks time."_

"_Ahh…" _there was nothing left to be said.

"_I have taken leave of Soul Society for the next 14 days. My duties to the Clan and the Gotei have been fulfilled. For the first time since the war I am able to leave with the confidence that both my division and the family will not sink into chaos without my presence." _The captain stopped to refill his bowl, only to empty it again,_ "I would like to purchase an untraceable gigai from you, Kisuke."_

"…_Untraceable?..."_

"_I do not want – or need, anyone following up on me."_

Byakuya knew this would be his last effort to find his lieutenant. The clan leader despised the thought of placing himself in a gigai...it felt too _ordinary_, too _human_. His only relief was to know that it would only be for a brief span of time. _But what if he did not find him….._ _What would he do if in 14 days he was no better off than tonight? _

The noble could feel his body start to warm, he felt his muscles loosen a little, as did his tongue.

"_I have done a disservice to Abarai, to not find him sooner…but my responsibilities in Soul Society have kept my hands tied._ _Did you know…tonight is the fifty-fifth year since my wife's death, and now over a year for my missing fukutaicho." _murmured the captain

_"...Kisuke...I feel I am destined to be alone..."_

Urahara looked at the shinigami seated in front of him. Once again, he saw traces of the younger man, a young man he had been so fond of…now a little lost in his misery. The former captain's heart reached out to him…

"_You don't have to be…._"

The blonde leaned in towards Byakuya. He didn't want to touch him yet, in case he pulled away. Gently, he placed his warm lips against the cold, pale ones and applied a little pressure. He felt the noble stiffen, and thoughts about pulling back filtered through his mind, instead he pressed forward, giving more warmth, more want in his gestures.

He was rewarded with a hesitant reply….and he smiled.

Kisuke raised his hand to caress a perfect alabaster neck, threading his fingers through silky black hair. He traced his tongue over the seam of those perfect lips, asking for entrance, and those lips parted beneath his, giving him said permission. He slid his tongue past pearly white teeth and into a sweetness beyond words.

Byakuya Kuchiki tasted like sin.

Delicious. Forbidden. Untouchable.

Kisuke was lost as his tongue made a slow sensual glide over the other warm muscle, helpless as a soft groan escaped his throat.

At that the noble startled, abruptly breaking contact. A slight shake to his head.

"…_Kisuke?…"_ for once unable to say what needed to be said.

The older man smiled wryly, pulling back a little so the other could see his eyes unshaded.

"_..It's okay, Byakuya, I know I'm not the one you seek….but if you need anything…ever…I'm here…."_

The shop owner stood up, to put some space between the two, although he felt a little loss of warmth in doing so.

"_Come, let's get you that gigai…."_


	4. Chapter 4

I'm just replacing this chapter after finding a spelling/word error. I think I made up my own word. /cookies/ to anyone found it, but was nice enough not to point it out to me.  
I didn't change anything else in the chapter.

As always, I'd like to disclaim any ownership of these characters...well...I don't really _want _to ...

Ahh...before I forget, there is alot of dialogue in this chapter, so most of it is not italicized like I did in earlier chapters. I thought it would detract. Just the more significant parts are.

**Ch.4**

Three days. Nothing.

Byakuya Kuchiki had spent the last three days in the living world ever searching for the elusive Renji Abarai. He had left the Urahara Shoten after a brief conversation with the genius ex-captain. Together, they had agreed that Renji also had to be in an untraceable gigai, and that he had now been in that body for well over a year….probably unaware of who and what he was.

"I have found no trace of his reiatsu, Kisuke" the nobleman had admitted.

Thinking on this for a few moments, the shop owner conceded "…yes, I have not recognized any of his familiar reiatsu either, although my take on it is quite different from yours, " the blonde continued, after briefly teasing the captain, "There must be something…altering or blocking his natural aura."

"Then I will look for reiatsu that is somewhat familiar, but not exactly his signature?" the heir offered, quickly catching on to what the other was saying…and ignoring the lilting jest.

"Yes…let's go by way of horse shoes and hand grenades for the time being, until I can think of a better idea." The tenchou smirked, amused by Byakuya's confused look, and said by way of explanation, casually waving his hand in the air, "oh…it's just an expression they like to use here in the human world."

The shop owner placed a small electronic device in the noble's hand, his tone now all business-like, "This is a cellular phone, my number is programmed into it, if you press and hold down the number 1, it will directly call me. You will be on your own with an untraceable gigai, so this will be our means of communicating, unless of course you simply stop by here." He also gave him a candy dispenser in the shape of an oddly familiar looking rabbit, "Here's your soul candy. You'll still be able to remove yourself without its use, but the gigai will then remain lifeless. I've given you a spare in case you find Abarai-kun and need it for an emergency. If he's been in the gigai for as long as we think and under the circumstances we assume, it may be detrimental to release his soul without assistance. I'll leave you to your own discretion, but you can always bring him here."

Urahara removed his hat and sighed, running a hand through his wayward hair, "Is the decision of the death certificate irrevocable? Surely you have some influence on that?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

The Sixth Division captain gave him a glare which read if-you-know-I-did-not-do-it-for-my-sister…, but replied anyway, "My request for MIA status was denied. The Soutaicho informed me that "missing in action" is only a status given to soldiers with surviving family members...as a "hand out" for hope, as he put it, on their part. Abarai is an orphan…and as a "casualty of war", only a death certificate will be made."

The noble sighed, irritation apparent. "I do not know if I am being a petulant child, being told there are no more cookies in the cookie jar, a scorned lover stalking a wayward mate, or a grieving family member, not accepting what fate has bestowed me. What I do know is that being his captain, signing his death certificate falls to me. I can not look him in the eye, when he returns, only to see my signature on that piece of paper. I will not sentence him to death."

The strong voice returned, "Thank you, Kisuke. For everything." There was more meaning in his eyes, than what the words allowed.

Urahara gave him a knowing smile, and said in a voice unfamiliar with this usually flippant man, "Find him Byakuya, find Abarai and bring him home."

* * *

The normally stoic man stood on the rooftop deck of his penthouse accommodations. He was on the top floor of the five star hotel, on a large balcony that overlooked the city beneath him. Dawn was breaking, and the blinking city lights were slowly being extinguished, one by one. From the 58th floor of the grand hotel, Karakura looked like it was just beginning to wake up from its nighttime dream to bask in the beauty of another cloudless day.

He stared down at the cellular phone cradled in his palm, considering whether or not to dial the number 1…to converse with someone other than his own thoughts. The Kuchiki heir shook his head almost imperceptibly in disbelief…how had he come to this? That he would want conversation, that he would need another voice other than his own conscience?

It was his fukutaicho. That man who had brought so much vitality and enthusiasm to his otherwise isolated lifestyle. Abarai was a man, who at the fountain of life, brought both hands up to be filled, then drank greedily, letting it flow over his hands and down his chin and throat…grinning unrepentantly, still expecting more. Byakuya admired his unashamedly open heart, his motto of carpe diem….and now, he was still feeling the effects of that life force, propelling him to seek company when he had no use for it.

"_You are too used to being alone, Taicho…"_

The noble gazed out to the predawn, where a faint pink and peach glow preceded the morning, remembering that fateful day.

"_I have no need for the counsel of others, Abarai."_

"_Ne, taicho….who said anything about talking?..."_

He looked into teasing ruby eyes, rapidly heating with an underlying solemnity. They were standing in the Sixth Division office, the captain was near the door, readying to leave for the day, Renji at his desk. Dusk was approaching and his fukutaicho had stayed a late to finish up his work.

Byakuya glanced back to his second in command with an eyebrow arched in question, when he had to raise them both in surprise. His fukutaicho moved towards him quickly, a fluid and meaningful stride, only to stop inches away from actually touching him. He could feel the heat and reiatsu rolling onto him in waves, caressing his skin.

"_Taicho…let me in, taicho…" he whispered softly._

The Kuchiki heir closed his eyes. He allowed ribbons of his own reiatsu to unfurl….allowed the tendrils to wrap and curl around those of his fukutaicho. Their essences mixed together in a slow provocative dance, twisting and undulating, moving against the other. Renji slowly closed his own eyes, and was unable to suppress a low moan, hands slowly clenching to prevent them from reaching out. He brought his arms up and leaned forward, trapping Byakuya against the door, his hands on either side of the noble's head, but still not touching him. He understood the next move was to be his captain's.

Byakuya lifted his hands to grasp both sides of Renji's head, his fingers stroking the hair at the nape of his neck for a second, before he brought their lips together, with a force that did not belie his need for this young firebrand. Strong determined lips seared themselves against the other pair, slanting and massaging...his tongue moved outwards to taste the other and was welcomed without hesitation. Their tongues intermingled, rolling and surging together. He traced perfectly sharpened teeth, savored the spiciness that was Abarai-- the taste of this man was better than he imagined it would be. Renji was the essence of untamed virility, he tasted of life. Unable to bite it back, Byakuya softly groaned into the mouth of the man who inhabited his very being.

They had been playing this game for amonth now. A little friendly banter, a slight tease…but it had never gone any further. You could say that it was the captain's fault. He had lowered his strict professional code to praise and encourage his lieutenant. After the incident with Rukia's near execution, Byakuya's assessment of his subordinate had changed. He recognized the loyalty and devotion, the depth of commitment and character this young shinigami possessed. He was admirable…honorable...a diamond in the rough. He had decided then, to mentor his fukutaicho...to assist in his training of bankai, to teach him the value of meditation, to help him strengthen his swordsmanship. Renji was young and impatient, but there was no doubt that he had not yet reached his maximum potential, and that he would only grow more powerful in time.

The nobleman's lips, teeth and tongue devoured the redhead in front of him. Byakuya traced his mouth down the taut neck, licking at the bold markings leading the way down from exposed skin to that hidden beneath his uniform. The noble slid one hand down from Renji's neck, to slip underneath and push aside the offending garment, exposing the sensitive area that joined neck and shoulder. Here, he bit….then laved, sending the most excruciating combination of pain and pleasure through his subordinate.

"_You give yourself to me, fukutaicho?"_ a little arrogance in his voice, if not warning…he needed to know this was not a momentary thing with his impulsive underling.

He stopped and pulled back, to look up into the eyes of his second in command. His steely gaze bore into the burgundy orbs being wrenched open after being closed by rapture. His breath hitched, he saw desire…and need…and want…then he saw the fire being banked, to be replaced by sincerity and gravity.

"_Taicho…you've had my body at your command for years…I give you my soul…if you will have it." _The voice was husky and rough with promise_…"Taicho..…Byakuya…..you don't have to be alone any longer….."_

And those hands finally touched him. They moved off the door where they had been planted, one to cradle his head, and thread through his hair. The other hand softly, achingly slowly, caressed his cheek….it was hard for him to comprehend this gesture coming from his brash lieutenant, a man who used those hands to dominate an 80 foot Bankai. He felt something inside himself crack…and thaw…a small smile graced his elegant features.

"_Come…Renji…."_

Enough.

He had replayed this memory a thousand times over. He already knew the ending. This ending.

The Kuchiki heir looked out over the city, the pre-dawn orange glow now bright enough to illuminate the tallest buildings, foreshadowing the start of another day. The fourth day.

He had identified four individuals with reiatsu that could be similar to Renji's. The first three turned out to be false leads—an old man, a little girl and a teenage boy. This last one was most faint, but also needed to be ruled out….or rather ruled in. The noble turned, to go back into the penthouse, to get ready for the new day.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks to all of you who are following the story. This chappy's a little longer than the others. Enjoy!

**Chapter 5**

Steam rose up from the deep bathtub. The newly employed kendo instructor sighed deeply and sunk down into the hot water. He was able to stretch out completely, leaning his back against the high wall of the tub while allowing his long legs to relax in the hot bath. He bent his knees and submerged his head under water for the amount of time it took to exhale completely, then pushed himself up with his legs, breaking the surface, before finally leaning back to enjoy the heat. Hot water sluiced down tired, knotted muscle. It had felt good to work out and extend himself physically again. It had been too long. Languid burgundy eyes slowly shut out the real world, and the redhead rolled his neck back along the rim of the tub, massaging out the stiffness there.

Soon, his conscious and subconscious began intermingling, and he imagined he felt the weight of another body leaning up against him, a firm lithe back weighted upon his sturdy chest. His hand rose up out of the water, to thread through jet black hair, softer than silk...and he pushed away the curtain of hair to discover a delicately shaped ear. His hot breath puffed into the auricle, enticing a shiver from the body attached to it. His tongue darted out, to lick the shell of the ear, and he ended with a sharp playful nip to the velvety lobe. He pulled that lobe into his mouth, suckling on it. A soft purr now escaped the one in front of him, and a turn of the head. Soft lips latched upon his own, and he was drawn into a breathless kiss, demanding yet tender at the same time. The kiss broke, and he looked into those eyes…again...warm, flinty platinum, melting into the heat of the moment...

His eyes opened, and he blinked rapidly, realizing he had dozed off. _More...memories..?..._ They most often came at night, when his mind's defenses were down and his body was tired.

He dreamed of fear. It was in his bones, he felt it in his gut, as it twisted inside him. He could not move. A threatening presence loomed in front of him. He saw a sword disappear into the concrete...only to see a towering thousand more erupt out of the ground…and dissipate?! Pain. Every nerve, every cell in his body screamed as it was rent asunder by force. He would have screamed aloud if all the oxygen had not already been sucked out of him. Failure. The clench upon his heart was not due to its being flayed apart, but to the acknowledgement that he had failed…._her._…again…. He could feel his heart slowing…..death was coming….

He gasped, wide eyes struggling to focus. The redhead sat up in bed, the sheets pooling down to his waist. He was shaking uncontrollably…his heart pounding wildly. He leaned over toward the nightstand, reaching amongst the plastic bottles with the childproof caps. A swift push down and turn of the wrist, and… _Valium 5mg. Take 1-2 tablets every 6 hours as needed for anxiety_. He quickly tapped 2 pills out of the container and swallowed them. Without water.

_Dammit…_ The dreams did not stop. They were getting more vivid. The doctors had warned him this could happen, with him returning to Karakura. The textures, colors, even the smells of the environment could trigger his mind and open the gates to lost memories, he was told. _Wow…that last one…he could do without._

_But were these dreams or memories?_ Some visions were too otherworldly to be memories...dragons of ice, an enormous bird of fire, horrible monsters, creatures shrieking at him...he could feel their killing intent. He could feel it too, within himself at times...why would he want to kill anyone? Why did it feel sometimes, like all he knew was war and fighting and blood?

Other recollections were quite nice. He had ones of sitting in a pristine garden under a sakura tree, branches heavy with spring flowers showering gently down upon him. Ensconced in the private surroundings he also saw a large pond, with an ancient stone bridge spanning it, and equally ancient trees and delicate foliage surrounding it…a trifecta of blood, bone and flesh. On some occasions as he sat in…what seemed like… _meditation_, he had heard the deep murmuring of a voice surrounding him, encouraging him to relax and quiet his mind…to commune with an inner presence and gain strength within that bond…._not everything must be won by force alone, even with the most stubborn of zan….._and he had lost that thought. Those words had been drowned out by the beeping of his alarm clock, waking him for the new day.

It was getting easier, getting back into the routine of living, of doing things for himself, without depending on others. At first saddened by the thought of not having family come look for him, he eventually realized that it felt…_right_…not having a mother or father…whether they had died before the earthquake or so far earlier…he could not even recall what it felt like to have been taken cared of. He felt like he had been self reliant for quite some time.

And so, he just let his body do what felt natural, to try and fall back into who he was. He found out he could cook (_pretty well_, if he did say so himself…), he realized he was generally a neat freak (not a lot of clutter, not a lot of posessions, minimal if necessary), and that he liked sweets. Apparently, he was also pretty good at swinging a stick around, which he found out a week before, when he had stepped into the dojo. Now as its newest employee, he got the opportunity to continue his physical training and get paid. He felt….lucky…that good things were about to happen.

* * *

Byakuya followed the thin trail of fluttering reiatsu that would lead him to his final prospect. The trace was so weak, the aloof noble had originally thought the bearer was on the outskirts of the city. He was surprised to find himself in a large park, only a block away from his hotel. A large crowd of people were in the park, it seemed as though there was celebration of some sort going on there today. Much to the heir's chagrin, this would make it more difficult to sift through and pinpoint his next target. It also didn't go without saying, that the Kuchiki successor did not like to be "crowded".

There were hundreds of people celebrating in the park. Booths of community groups were selling food, balloons, gifts, and treats. Music erupted from the stage on one end of the celebration, where a band of five blue haired youngsters beat on equipment, that in turn, appeared to produce an oddly catchy sounding tune. The aggregate noise of the music, the underlying buzz of the people surrounding him, and just the aggravation of being around so many people drove the solitary noble to seek shelter under a grove of shade trees at the far end of the park.

As he surveyed the surrounding area, he noticed a kendo dojo across the street. Concentrating on the tiny thread of reiatsu, he realized it was coming from that building. He quickly crossed the street and made his way over. There was a banner in front of the establishment, touting an annual "open house celebration and demonstration", no doubt in concert with the festivities in the park. At the door, he halted in stride. He could not believe it...what were the chances? Above the doorway was the sign displaying the name of the club: T_he 6th District Kendo Club_. He felt a small smirk lift the edge of his mouth...

Stepping inside, he was immediately inundated by the loud shouts and clapping and cracking of wood and bamboo. This was a large dojo, many students were sitting in a circle on the far side of this open room, listening to an instuctor and his assistant. Over in another part of the room, more advanced students were practicing their _kata,_ their sword forms_. _The captain's eyes quickly scanned the area, but was unable to pinpoint who was emanating the reiatsu. A petite and energetic young woman came up to him.

"Ohai-yo!" she exclaimed, bowing low. "Have you come for our open house demonstration? It will just be a few more minutes before we begin. Please, if you would like to join in, the _bogu_ and _bokken_ are over on the far wall, and the lockers and changing rooms are just around the corner. All are encouraged to participate!"

The quiet noble gave a polite inclination of the head, and moved in the direction she indicated. He entered another large room, lined with tatami mats on the floor, and mirrors on one wall. Quickly scanning everyone in this room, the captain was again able to disqualify each being as the one he sought. There were lots of visitor like himself here, due to the "open house" setting, so he moved towards the back wall and waited amongst the others for what looked to be set up as a demonstration.

Eight people walked in, all dressed in the standard kendo _bogu_, each carrying their _bokken_. Instantly alert, the sharp heir realized two of these individuals expressed some sort of reiatsu. One was the thread he was following, one not. Each participant paired off with another, creating four pairs of duelers. One of the instructors began speaking, and each pair in turn displayed the oral directives. At the end of this lengthy process, the audience was told that the next portion of the program would be for the trainers on stage to spar against each other, to exhibit their own prowess. Any audience participation was welcomed, as the owners of the kendo wanted to show the high quality of instructors they had at this dojo.

As the instructors sparred, it was apparent that two stood out among the rest. They were all proficient, but the pair was in a stratum above the rest. As each person lost to another, the loser removed their helm and bowed to the winner. Each time another person lost, Byakuya held his breath for the fraction of a second it took to see their faces. It was these last two that obviously held his interest. They were both tall and obviously male, and were both the bearers of reiatsu. Their spar took the longest, and the noble's patience was wearing thin. He had been here now for almost two hours, and it was agitating him that he could be so close to his goal, but was forced to wait and bide his time. Finally, one of them lost….the bearer of the greater reiatsu. As he removed his helm, Byakuya moved to get a better view. The newly discovered blonde bowed gracefully to the winner, and moved off stage.

The noble furrowed his brow in frustration, as he saw the beginning of a line of eager takers wanting to spar with the obviously talented winner. The Kuchiki heir could at times be a contradictory man. He predominantly possessed an infinite amount of patience…of which he was famous for in Soul Society. Other times, like this one, where he wanted something…_now_…well, he had been waiting a while….in a crowded room…_with humans_….his need for instant gratification overrode his otherwise aristocratic good manners.

He picked up a _bokken_ hanging on the wall rack and strode over to the last remaining instructor, in blatant disregard for the line forming on one end of the room. He needed to know who this man was. All he needed to do was beat him, and he'd see the helm removed.

"Sir! Sir!" one of the instructors shouted, "You have to suit up!"

Byakuya ignored the man, and faced his opponent in the opening stance.

"Umm…I can't fight you...without the armour…" came the muffled voice through the helm of the other man. He lowered his _bokken_ to the floor, as a sign he would not continue.

"Then you will lose quickly," replied the captain, superiority lacing his words.

The captain began, swiftly moving his feet forward, and swinging the _bokken _to the wrist of the opponent.

By instinct, his opponent raised his sword to block. The noble quickly advanced, attacking effectively to get his opponent to lose, without actually trying to hurt the man.

After a minute of retreating from repeated attacks, it looked like his opponent had finally decided that the brunette was entirely serious and was indeed extremely talented. Not wanting to be beaten, the last remaining instructor finally got his feet under him and returned the attacks with some of his own. He wanted to merely get in a couple of hits to show this conceited man that he had underestimated his own capabilities. The _kendoka_ stepped up his strikes, his body seeming to move by rote memory, rather than conscious movement.

But he couldn't land a blow. Everything was parried, rather easily too. After a few more hard fought minutes, adrenaline began to pulse through his veins, he really hadn't had this much competition…well…ever….that he could remember. Underneath his helm, a predatory grin broke free.

"So, you really are good…exceptional even. But for your arrogance, I won't merely make you drop your sword, I'll bring you to your knees." Bravado he hadn't realized he possessed called out to the other man. It seemed to echo something in the recesses of his battered mind.

It is you.

The attacking noble was nearly sure it was his fukutaicho just by the way the man was moving. They had sparred quite often on the training grounds of their division, and Byakuya was very familiar with his second in command's movements. But the cockiness, the bold taunt, _that _was the clincher. A genuine smile graced the exquisite features of the sixth division captain. His heart soared.

Abarai Renji was alive and well, and only a few feet in front of him. The fact that his lover didn't know who he was shook his confidence a little….but he was alive….the rest he could figure out later.

"Your fangs have already reached me…._Renji_."


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks again to everyone following the story. I really appreciate all your reviews and encouragement!  
This one's a little longer, I think I'm getting side tracked a bit...I'm not totally happy with it, but I was only  
getting cross eyed the longer I looked at it. :)  
Enjoy!

**Chapter 6**

The _kendoka_ was stunned when the stranger so boldly walked up to the demonstration platform and so calmly challenged him with no more than the street clothes he had on. And when he was so blithely put down, and then had to _defend _himself from the barrage of quick attacks the brunette thrust upon him....well, he could do no less than try to fight back. His opponent was _damn good_....no, he was _fuckin' exceptional_..... and the redhead could not bite back the scathing taunt that was forced past his lips.

But when his challenger had smiled....for a moment, his whole world came to a crashing halt. Somehow, he felt that small gesture in itself was something so rare, so unique...he couldn't help but feel privileged to have been on the receiving end of it. If he had thought the arrogant man was handsome to begin with, this little touch of grace made him _gorgeous_.

…and then…_Renji_? Was that his name?

The split second it took for his mind to register his hesitation at the softly spoken name, was all that was needed for his opponent to hit his sword at just the right speed and angle for his own to fall, thumping against the tatami.

He had never seen this man before....did he know who he was? How could it be if he hadn't even shown this guy his face? Would he have lost his concentration if his mind hadn't been the spongy, damaged mass that it was? He shook it off. He had lost...it stung a little, but he realized that he had indeed come across a very talented opponent.

_"Can't believe I fell for a little mind trick like that....but I can't deny you got some skills."_

Grudgingly he bowed, and slowly moved to remove his helm.

Byakuya watched the man carefully. The voice was still muffled, but he was now starting to pick up the familiar tenor of his fukutaicho. As the last remaining instructor removed his gloves, and raised his arms to loosen and remove the helm, he unconsciously held his breath.

As the head covering was removed, the sixth division captain couldn't stop the sharp pain that pierced his chest when he first saw black, and not the familiar scarlet hair he wanted to see. His eyes squeezed shut, and he had to turn his face away...he couldn't even look at this man.

"But you got the name wrong...it's _Tora_." the instructor said, reaching out to shake his opponent's hand.

That voice.

_Tora_....a memory of vibrant red hair, a black leather collar and soft restraints came unbidden to his mind.

The sixth division captain turned his head back to his opponent, his surprise apparent. That flash of black that he had seen was not hair, but a bandana tied low across his forehead. It wrapped around his head, and instead of the trademark hachimaki style that Abarai always wore, the bandana was wrapped over his hair, covering the top of his head. The three points of the now triangular shaped covering were tied together at the back.

The noble looked into those eyes...beautiful claret colored eyes...he looked at a face that had only plagued his dreams, preventing him from wanting to close his eyes. He felt his own burn a little, and had to blink rapidly to clear his vision.

Oh...but he was so much thinner...his jaw not as robust, his cheekbones more prominent. His hair...the soft, luscious, glorious mane Byakuya loved to run his hands through and all but pull, was now only shoulder length, obviously shortened. The tattoos...he could not see very clearly the ones on his forehead, as they were covered by the bandana, but the ones leading down the neck he could distinguish, rising up out of the uniform the instructor had on.

Clearly, this was Abarai Renji. His fukutaicho.

A man who was now looking at him with no trace of familiarity, only the formality of a stranger.

Byakuya had known that it would be like this. He had prepared himself for it. Yet, seeing the indifferent gaze and the detached air of Abarai in response to him….it was still very difficult for the Kuchiki heir to endure.

It took every bit of his fabled noble restraint not to launch himself into the companion in front of him, and cover him...._nay, smother him_...in everything that was every bit the unthinkable emotions that threatened to breach the threshold of his unbreakable facial mask.

As it was, the newly discovered fukutaicho only saw a slight warming in the eyes of his former challenger.

"_No. You are Abarai Renji. Lieutenant of the Sixth Division of the Gotei 13. You have been missing for over a year….and I have come to bring you home."_

The hand that was held out slowly closed into a loose fist and fell to the trainer's side. _Abarai Renji_? He repeated it over in his mind…it didn't sound familiar. He said it out loud to himself…it sounded a little better.

The captain could see the myriad of emotions play across his subordinate's face. The shock, the confusion, the doubt. He saw the redhead raise a shaky hand to his head, saw the pain register in his eyes and was instantly there to catch him, before he slumped to the floor.

A piercing stab of white lighted pain exploded behind his eyes, unexpectedly buckling his knees. He knew he was falling, momentarily too weak to help himself, and expected the harsh thud of his head hitting the floor. Strong arms gently grabbed him and stopped his downward decent. He was leaning against a warm body, his head cradled on the shoulder of the dark haired stranger. It was comforting being there…yet he tried to pull back when he thought he was able to, thoroughly embarrassed. Another wave of pain and this time, accompanied nausea hit him, only forcing him further into the other man's embrace.

"_I know this must be quite a shock to you_." A soft, soothing baritone caressed his ear, sending a shiver down his spine, _"But I am here now...I will take care of you."_

Byakuya carefully moved them both to the side of the room, momentarily placing Renji on one of the benches. He quickly pulled the cell phone from the breast pocket of his linen button down shirt, and called the hotel, requesting a car to pick them up. The redhead mumbled something about needing his gym bag from his locker. In a matter of minutes, the sixth division captain had gathered his fukutaicho and possessions, and had moved them all into the awaiting limousine, and eventually into his penthouse apartment.

After he maneuvered the younger man to lie down and rest in the bedroom, the elder shinigami went to get a glass of water to place on the nightstand. On his way back from the kitchen, Byakuya observed Renji pull something orange out of his bag, open it up and flip a couple of pills into his mouth. Offering the glass to wash it all down, Renji swallowed the pills along with its entire contents. Sighing deeply and lying down again, he muttered a quick "thanks.." and was asleep in a matter of seconds.

Byakuya had eyed the entire scene skeptically. There was concern in his eyes; and as the other slept, the captain took the opportunity to open the gym bag that now lay at his feet. His brow furrowed at what he saw before him. Along with a change of clothes, a towel and some toiletries, there were at least eight bright orange plastic bottles filled with various rounded tablets and colorful capsules.

There were not many things the enlightened noble was not well informed about, even in the human world. He was a well read man, often digesting volumes of textbooks on various human subjects of interest, including horticulture, technology, architecture, war tactics….there was almost no subject he hadn't at least touched upon in some way. Except human medicine. He was familiar with herbology, but westernized medicine was something quite modern, even by human standards. The sixth division captain had always regarded the human body as fragile and weak. He was sure it had something to do with this occupation as _shinigami_, and that he had first hand knowledge at seeing how easily human life was lost. It held no interest for him, to understand the use of medications on the human body, to understand the workings of the human neurological system, the human psyche. When _shinigami_ lived multiple centuries, the transient decades of a human life seemed almost trivial.

Yet here he was, trying now to decipher what to do next with his second in command, who was quite obviously under the influence of _many_ human medications. He knew enough about human culture to know that these orange bottles and their contents were used to treat their physical maladies. Taking each one out to read their labels, he placed them on the nightstand: _Valium, Oxycontin, Geodon, Buspar, Zomig, Ambien, Ultram, Xanax_…plus there were other more colorful bottles labeled _Ibuprofen_ and _Tylenol._

He looked back up to his fukutaicho, now in a deep sleep. No wonder he was thinner…and perhaps also, why they were unable to find him for so long. The spirit cannot thrive under such strong hindrances as these, in addition to being trapped in a gigai for such a prolonged period of time.

The concerned noble moved to sit on the side of the bed, and pondered the sleeping man. His face…it was familiar, and yet different…it seemed…older. Sleep would often lend his brash lieutenant a peaceful air, making him seem so much younger than his shinigami years made him out to be. He would often awake before Renji did, at dawn, and he took those opportunities to gaze openly at the one beside him, when the appearance of his subordinate seemed so youthful. He knew Renji's life had not been one of luxury and indulgence and the icy captain cherished the look of ease and calm on his companion's face.

He leaned forward to pull the bandana off Renji's head, and run his fingers through that hair that he was so enamored of. Although only shoulder length, it still had its thickness and shine. Byakuya ran his fingers over Renji's scalp, moving to massage it, as he knew his lover liked it. As he did so, he felt the beginnings of a scar over the left ear, and he traced it as it wrapped around, towards the back of his head over to the other side, ending three quarters of the way over. His hand began to shake, as he realized the enormity of the head wound, and how close he had actually been to losing this man.

…_Thank you, Kami-sama…._

Byakuya never considered himself much of a religious man….again, probably a byproduct of having being born in Soul Society, and his occupation in the Gotei 13. But he had often heard Renji, and many others, from the Rukongai and from around the Sereitei, use the moniker in both reverence and blasphemy. There were incidences in his own life where he had no doubts of the lack of a higher being, but gratitude must be voiced when appropriate.…and the noble recognized this as such an occasion. His fukutaicho had to have had someone watching over him, to have survived a blow to the head like this. And for that, he was grateful.

* * *

Renji woke up slowly, in darkness. His head was pressed into a soft pillow, he was engulfed in soft, warm sheets. He felt comforted, relaxed….until he realized he had no idea where he was. Sitting up, he placed his feet on the floor…soft plush carpeting swallowed up his bare toes. He turned on the lamp at the bedside, soft light illuminating the room, and looked around at his regal surroundings, the golds and reds of the bedding and matching upholstery, the dark woods and lush carpeting. The gold plated clock on the nightstand read 7:48. _Had he been asleep for over eight hours?_

His gym bag was at his feet, so he changed out of his uniform and back into his clothes. He tucked his black t-shirt into his button fly jeans; and still feeling a little chilly, he grabbed his black hoodie sweatshirt and pulled it over his head. He saw the bandana on the nightstand, and decided to leave it off, scratching a bit at his scar…it always itched a bit whenever he woke. He slid his feet into the pair of soft fluffy house slippers left out for him, and went to find his host.

He walked past a large bathroom and into a short hallway leading to another set of rooms; an office, a second bedroom with adjoining bath, smaller than the one he just left, and this finally led him out to the extremely large and wide open living room area. One end of the living room led off into a marbled foyer and kitchen, while the other led to four double wide doors that opened out to the deck. He finally saw his host, standing at the end of the deck, past the pool…..looking out into the night at Karakura town. He then realized he was on the top floor of a high building.

He took his time looking at the man standing at the railing. Only now he realized the slighter stature and leaner figure the man truly was, compared to himself. While sparring, the brunette had seemed to have inhabited the entire room, his presence large and intimidating. Jet black hair fell past slender shoulders and partially forward into his face, but was currently being blown back by the light wind. The man had the smoothest, palest, most perfect looking skin he had ever seen, his features were classically patrician– straight nose, high cheekbones, large sharp eyes….the fine breeding was readily apparent. His clothes were tailored, clean straight lines, in dark colors. A sleek pair of black leather boots finished off his attire. Renji felt positively unkempt in comparison.

The stranger was speaking into a cell phone, the eyes were troubled, the corners of his mouth turned down in to a frown. He seemed to agree to something, then closed the phone, apparently hanging up. A brisk gust of wind kicked up, and the dark stranger closed is eyes and tilted his head to the side, allowing the zephyr to blow the hair off his neck and caress his skin.

The redhead's eyes followed the long neck down into the open shirt front. He could imagine himself placing his mouth there, at the collar bone…moving up to feel the strong pulse thudding against his lips, through the jugular vein in the alabaster neck…._whoa…what?...._

Pulling himself away from such wayward, _uncomfortable_ thoughts,…_where did they come from?..._ Renji thought it was time to let himself be known. His voice was still a little gruff from waking, and he had to shout a little bit to be heard from so far away. It was too cold out there for him. At least is was nice and warm inside the penthouse.

"_Who are you?"_

The stranger at the railing turned quickly, sharp eyes trained on the redhead in the doorway. Instantly, the eyes relaxed, the worried look went away, and a small smile found its way to the beautiful face of the man in front of him.

Byakuya quickly made his way back into the penthouse, knowing the chilling winds outside was no place for his fukutaicho to be.

_"I am glad you are awake. Are you hungry? I will order us dinner."_ The noble walked over to the phone, thin nimble fingers dialed for room service.

_"Yeah,….thanks."_ Renji was nervous. Here was someone who knew who he was, where he came from. Now, he even had a real name.

_"Are you felling better?"_ Solemn dark eyes took in the change of clothing.

_"Umm…yeah, the headache's gone, at least."_

A hesitation... as if dreading the question that must be asked, _"…You….do not remember who I am?"_

_"No…I'm sorry…."_ He really was. It seemed to disappoint the man in front of him.

It was inane, this conversation they were having. All Byakuya wanted to do was kiss this man until his lips were bruised, to worship him with his tongue, to touch him and stroke him until every nerve in his body was screaming for release, and to bury himself into the heat that was Abarai….his lover….his life. He really wanted to touch him. More than that, he wanted to be touched by Abarai Renji, by hands that knew him better than he knew himself, that had touched him in places he never touched himself. He wanted the existence they had had only a little more than a year ago, when this conclusion would have never been a possibility. The hands attached to the man standing next to him were the hands of a man who did not know him.

What was worse than reaching your goal, only to be told the rules had changed and that the prize was now even farther away?

The nobleman steeled himself. "I am going to explain things to you that you may not believe, but it is the truth as we, shinigami, know it."

"…Sh- shinigami?..." _death reapers?_

First, he told him who he was. Kuchiki Byakuya. Captain of the Sixth Division of the Gotei 13.


	7. Chapter 7

Ooh Boy! Can't believe this is already 7 chapters long. So much for a short story idea.  
Again, I cannot thank you enough for all your words of encouragement and wonderful reviews!

**Chapter 7**

"Stop…please." The throbbing in his head was becoming unbearable. Renji closed his eyes and put a hand up to his temple; he started rubbing a circular pattern into it with his two fingers. He had been sitting here, listening to this..._bullshit_...for 2 hours. Too much information, crazy, implausible information. "You're fuckin' with me, aren't you?"

An elegant eyebrow arched at him.

"You figured out I'm a basket case by lookin' at all those meds you pulled outta my bag, and now you're havin' some fun, huh?"

Still no reply, but the face in front of him darkened.

"Look, I don't know whatcha gettin' out if this, but I gotta go..." Renji moved to get off the couch.

"Do you think this is pleasant for me?" there was ice falling off these words, "I will disregard this transgression, _Abarai fukutaicho_, because you do not remember who you are, or who _I_ am, in Soul Society. But you will _never_ question anything that I say as not being the truth. Is that understood?" The volume of his voice hadn't risen, but the threat and unforgiving character of his tone gave gravitas to his words.

"Y-yes..." Renji's eyes widened, the ringing command and authority in that voice innately made him comply.

"You will address me as Kuchiki taicho."

"Yes, Kuchiki taicho."

"I recall prefacing this conversation with the adjunct that much of what you would hear would be difficult to understand and accept. I do not disregard that fact that you have been in the human world without knowledge of who and what you are." His voice began to lose the steely edge, as he continued, "However, I am here for a limited amount of time, and in lieu of that we must move quickly. There is much to do before you are able to travel back to Soul Society. Tomorrow we will visit another of our…comrades. Perhaps he will shed more light on this subject for both of us."

The redhead really was at a loss for words. He knew he should feel angry, for being spoken to like this. It was being spoken _at,_ that he didn't appreciate, instead of being spoken _to_. He was feeling more than confused. It was a combination of relief…and doubt…and anger....he knew that he was getting the answers he had been searching for. Could the answers just not have been crazier than he already was? His head was hurting...he needed to find his gym bag. He needed what was _in_ his gym bag. He needed time to think.

"Okay....I…I'm sorry...I don't mean to sound ungrateful....I just need time to think this stuff out." This time he stood from the couch, "Thanks...for everything...but I'll head off." Renji started walking to the front entrance. _How was he going to get to his apartment? Where was he?_

Byakuya looked up at him, studied him, then seemed to have come to a decision. "I will arrange for the car to take you back to your apartment. You will pack your belongings together. Tomorrow you will move in here, after we visit with Urahara."

"What?!...I-I..can't…just…" he sputtered.

"_Abarai-fukutaicho_….I do not repeat myself. You will be close for convenience, you may stay in the second set of rooms here."

_Whatever_…He was too tired to argue anymore. If this guy wanted him here, so be it. "Okay, thank you…Kuchiki taicho."

An inclination of the head was all he got as a response.

* * *

The two children playing outside the _shoten_ widened their eyes as the large black limousine pulled up to the shop. If at all possible, their eyes got wider and threatened to engulf their entire faces as the imposing sixth division captain got out of the back seat. A tall lanky fellow followed suit from the opposite side of the car.

It was Ururu who recognized him first, even with the bandana fastened around his head in the different style.

"Free-loader san? Is it really you?" she asked in a tiny voice.

"…I know you, little one?" the lieutenant replied, with a small smile upon his face.

Jinta was speechless. The redheaded boy had also taken Renji's disappearance very hard. He had made so many "deals" with _Kami-sama_, if _Kami-sama_ would just let Renji be found safe. How he wouldn't twist Ururu's ponytails quite so hard, or how he'd really help out Tessai with the unloading of boxes, instead of pretending to…but after a few months or so, he too, had given up hope. When he turned to see if it really was Abarai who stepped out of the car….he could do nothing more but run over to him and hug his waist, with his eyes squeezed shut, and a small grimace on his face.

"Huh?" Renji was a little surprised, noted the similar red hair of the child hugging him, and almost panicked as he looked over at his captain, "Uh…oh gods…he's not my son, is he?"

That broke the spell.

"What?! No way freeloader-san!" Jinta cried, pulling back. His cocky grin now plastered on his face again, "I knew you weren't dead!"

"My…my…ghosts do walk amongst us…" a light lilting voice came from behind him.

Renji turned and looked over towards the entrance of the building labeled _Urahara Shoten_. A tall man stood there, with a green and white striped hat on his head and holding a wooden fan covering half of his face. The sixth division's vice-captain felt uneasy as shaded eyes observed him, studied him, all but undressed him.

"Abarai fukutaicho, meet Urahara Kisuke, owner and operator of this _fine _establishment."

Kisuke arched an eyebrow at his fellow shinigami….was the nobleman teasing him? More so, Urahara noted the interaction...or lack thereof....between the two leaders of Division Six. It was not lost on him.

"Pleased to meet you, Urahara-san."

"Ahh…but you have met me before, Abarai-san…. We know each other quite well."

It was Byakuya's turn to raise an eyebrow.

Kisuke smirked in response. "Come, let's go inside and discuss the finer points of your predicament, Abarai-san. Kuchiki-san has enlightened me with very little information."

* * *

Renji had tried to relay as much information about his life this past year as he could remember, and what he thought was pertinent. Unfortunately, this recitation lasted all of 45 minutes. What else was there to say? He had been in a psychiatric institution for the last year, rehabilitating his body and mind under the influence of potent medications for a diagnosis that was apparently false.

Make no mistake about it, he was relieved to know that what he had seen so long ago had been real, that those images were not figments of his imagination or hallucinations. The medications he was subsequently and currently being treated with however, had since blocked these visions. He hadn't seen anything floating in the sky, or terrible creatures shrieking in the night for quite a while. Recently, there just had been more pain and anxiety plaguing him, for which he took more pain pills and anxiety pills. Quite a lot, apparently.

The blonde had been listening quietly, observing the newly found fukutaicho. This _gigai _wasn't an untraceable one, but Abarai's reiatsu was so thin and weak…and _altered_ from his usual pattern, that it was a wonder how he was even found. Then again, the tenchou knew that the Kuchiki's skill in detecting spiritual pressure was superior than most.

"Well….first up is to get you off of these human medications," began Urahara, "I referenced your drugs earlier, after speaking with Kuchiki taicho. You have quite a few that will require detoxification for dependency, but others can simply be stopped. Due to time constraints, we're going cold turkey with all of them. You'll probably not appreciate how that will feel, however." But he did not elaborate. "After your body is cleaned out, we'll attempt to remove your soul from the gigai."

That sounded…ominous. "How long will this take?" the wary lieutenant asked.

"Oh….probably five to seven days or so. I'd also recommend you do the detox here, so Tessai and I can look out for you. We are quite familiar with overseeing the…adjustments of others…and we're not squeamish about the cleanup of various bodily fluids," he bantered.

Eeww...."Uhh...great...I guess we get started, then."

* * *

"You haven't told him?"

"It is not something you normally bring up in polite conversation." Byakuya already knew what the other was implying...he knew the other would bring it up.

"He will be overwhelmed with who he is and what he's missed since he's been gone." the voice was light and non-judgemental, yet still tinged with warning. "Once you both are back in Soul Society, you won't be able to control everything."

They were standing on the back deck of the shop, watching the children run around and chase each other with brooms. Tessai had come back from the grocery store, and seeing the man having tea in his living room, promptly gave the long lost lieutenant a big hug. Now, they were both in the kitchen talking and making a large dinner for everyone. Apparently, the fukutaicho had a talent with food.

Urahara turned to look directly into his colleague's eyes. "Tell him Byakuya, before everything gets out of hand. He deserves to know who you are, what you both had together."

The conflicted noble closed his eyes and turned away, to watch the sun as it set behind the large buildings. "I tire of this conversation, Kisuke."

The shop owner's eyes narrowed. "Then you are being prideful, Kuchiki-san. Don't put this wall back up in front of me. I thought we were past that."

The silence stretched.

"Thank you again, for all you have done and all you continue to do. I would not have believed you and I would be here…at this point together in our lives. Things changed after you left Soul Society over a century ago...I have changed. Your counsel, although always sound, no longer has the hold on me that it did back then. Do not bring this up again."

Urahara stared at the noble standing next to him, being bathed by the soft orange glow of the sunset. Pride was the shield he held in front of himself, protecting him from letting his guard down. Kisuke had pushed too far tonight, he should have known the fickle noble was already on edge, and now he had pushed Byakuya to close himself off again. He sighed....and gambled...he may not have another quiet opportunity with the sensitive captain again.

"Love is not something to hide, Byakuya. He is not Hisana, he will not reject your love."

The blast of glacial reiatsu physically pushed Kisuke back, he was not expecting it.

"Enough! Never speak to me like you know who I am, or what I know." Those flinty gray eyes flashed dangerously. The left fist clenched at his side briefly, then relaxed. The Kuchiki heir used his iron will not to physically lash out at the shop owner, even though he knew it would be so…emotionally rewarding. He was not that kind of noble.

"I will return in 5 days to assess the progress with Abarai fukutaicho." The voice was calm, formal…distant. "Goodnight, Urahara-san."

The captain turned and left. Minutes later, the tenchou heard the limousine start up and drive away.

"Baka, Byakuya" he whispered in defeat, "…don't do this to yourself." Urahara closed his eyes against the bright orange sunset.

Tessai came out to the porch. "Something's happened with Abarai fukutaicho."

* * *

He had been standing there with Tessai-san at the kitchen sink, washing the vegetables he was about to cut up and put into the soup boiling on the stove, when this invisible force had just slammed into him. It buckled his knees and squeezed his chest...he kneeled there, sweating profusely, unable to move even a finger as he stared at the kitchen floor.

He had the fleeting images of a nue…a mythical creature with the head of a baboon, stripes of a tiger, and a tail of a snake. It was larger than he was, sitting there on it's haunches. It's crystal clear blue eyes pierced through him, and it opened it's large jaws to scream at him. Instead, all he heard was a buzzing noise….white noise. Frustrated, the nue stood up. It paced in front of him. It charged at him! His eyes widened at the sight, he couldn't move…he would be killed by the force of the impact alone. He could feel the hot breath on his face a split second before_…. it disappeared!_

Released from the force of the spiritual pressure, Renji collapsed.

"Are you back with us, Abarai-san?" a curious voice asked.

"Hmm?.." Renji grunted. He was now lying on a futon in a small room. He felt very warm, and when he finally opened his eyes, he was disturbed to see Tessai putting his shirt back on.

"So I see you've already stopped taking your psych meds…could've mentioned that earlier. That's good though, it gives us a good head start. As it works its way out of your system, you should be able to begin to feel the spiritual pressure of those around you. Kuchiki-san gave you a good first punch it seems, with his little outburst. Normally you wouldn't feel anything from him at all, but he was feeling a bit….stressed." the blonde said elusively. "We may as well just continue on. The next few days will be unpleasant, but should you need anything, we'll all be here."

"Is Kuchiki taicho here?" inquired the redhead, he didn't feel this so-called "spiritual pressure". He was starting to hate looking and feeling like a fool and a weakling in front of that man. It was mortifying him that he was so vulnerable.

"…No….he said he would return in a few days…" well, _five_ days. The exacting noble did not estimate. It would be no more or no less until they all saw him again.

For some reason, although Renji did not want his captain to see him in the condition he knew would be all too humilitating, knowing the man was not around sort of made him feel…. abandoned.

"Anyhoo…"continued the shop owner, "let's all have dinner, the soup should be perfect by now, ne?" Putting on his usual smile and cheerful persona, Urahara led the way to the dining room.

* * *

The following days were absolute torture. Renji slept fitfully. He had stopped all medications. As his physical withdrawal kicked in, he found himself begging Urahara for his pills back...just _one_ to take the edge off.

The shop owner gleefully told him "oh-no" in that sing-song voice of his, wiggling his finger and shaking his head. Renji wanted to reach over and tear his throat out....or break his fingers....or smack him in the head.

Perhaps that kid could whack _him_ in the head with that over-sized bat of his...anything would be better than what he was actually feeling right now. If it were at all possible, Renji could say that his eyelashes hurt. Every time he blinked, the lashes beat down on his burning, tearing, red eyes. Every breath he took was like fire scorching his partched lungs. Every beat of his heart throbbed in his head...oh gods...the sweat pouring down his face was like sandpaper scratching at his skin.

He lay on his futon. Trying not to move, trying not to breathe. Then his muscles started their twitching, his stomach coiled and turned, he could feel the bile clawing it's way up his throat...._where was the bucket?!..._there was no way he could drag himself to the bathroom in time.

He was panting. Hard. His own smell made him nauseous. He was drooling into the pillow under his head. He couldn't focus his eyes. Let it end. Just let it end.

* * *

_A/N: I think I made Urahara too OOC here, but I needed him to move the story along...Gomen!_


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for all the reviews for those of you hanging onto the story out there!  
Woo! Longest chapter yet...Enjoy!

**Chapter 8**

He was feeling better. Stronger…both physically and mentally. He couldn't grasp the people, but the concept of being what he was, more so than who he was, was becoming more comfortable in his mind. He sat on the back steps of the shoten, leaning forward with this forearms on his thighs, twirling a blade of grass between his fingers. He contemplated that blade of grass, twirling in the weak spring sun…he appeared melancholy and deep in thought.

"Abarai-san…you seem…introspective.…" interrupted the blonde shopkeeper. He had come up behind the fukutaicho, silent as ever in his footsteps.

The redhead, now so used to being abruptly interrupted by the owner at all times of the day, didn't even flinch. At least this time, he hadn't been stripping for bed…I mean really, the man had no sense of propriety. He smiled wryly to himself, "you could say that, Urahara-san," he replied.

Urahara stared at him silently, waiting for the subordinate to continue.

"I…was just wondering what I've missed….during my time here." The lieutenant sighed. He dropped his blade of grass and hung his head down for a second, letting it sink beneath his shoulder blades, twisting it back and forth to relieve some tension. He turned his head, to look at the tenchou, "Do you know what its like to fear closing your eyes at night, afraid the visions in your head would drive you mad? They were so vivid for awhile, the memories of the war, the hollows, even other shinigami. At least I know now what to call them...and know that I'm not insane."

Renji looked up and out, towards the distant sky, "At least there _were _people and things floating in the sky. I took a lot of heavy drugs to block those visions, and now, to find out that it prevented people from finding me….it's just too ironic, Urahara-san....I can barely remember who I am. I think I've lost a lot…and I probably don't even know the true extent of it…" he finished softly.

Urahara's face remained impassive, but the shaded eyes were empathetic. _You have no idea._

Instead, trying to lighten the mood, the shop owner grinned widely, "My,my Abarai-fukutaicho! You were never this morose! Come now, its time to celebrate your return! There will be a large welcoming party back in Soul Society."

The redhead snorted. "Yeah, full of people I don't know...I'll have no idea who they are…"

"Stop worrying Abarai, it will all come back in time…" the blonde returned nonchalantly.

A slight bit of hope sparked in deep burgundy eyes, "You think so?"

_No_. "Of course!"

The fukutaicho relaxed and allowed himself a small bit of comfort... _m__aybe_ _it'll all come back….._

"One thing I do want to ask of you, Abarai-san, before you leave the human world...can you get me a copy of your medical records from the institution? I'd like to go over them."

"Uh, sure Urahara-san, do you think there's something in there I missed?"

"Ahh...probably not. But I'm always interested in learning how humans treat their own..."

* * *

The large black car could be seen turning onto the street and coming up to the shop. Renji walked out to the front to greet his captain, a bit of butterflies seeming to have made their way into his belly. He couldn't say why he was looking forward to this moment, but he had felt a little bit deserted when his captain had left five days prior, without so much as a "see ya later". He had already figured out that his captain was a bit on the formal side and not too much on the fluffy side, but he couldn't help feeling, as he lay in puddles of his own sweat and other bodily secretions, that a "good luck" or even a "take it like a man" would've helped him mentally get through it all a bit better.

The car stopped. The right side back door opened, and he saw a dark brown smooth leather boot emerge and crunch into the gravel beneath it. The captain surfaced from behind the car door, shiny black hair blowing in the soft wind, elegant in his crisp white button-down and dark chocolate pants.

Despite himself, the fukutaicho smiled. He bowed appropriately, and saluted with an energetic "Kuchiki-taicho!"

The captain accepted the salutation with an inclination of his head. "Abarai-fukutaicho, you are looking well."

Before the captain could go on, to Renji's surprise, the left rear door opened.

A petite dark haired woman climbed out. She stared at him…large violet eyes barely able to retain the tears that threatened to overflow, she had a hand fisted to her chest, the other clasped and unclasped at her side. She gave a harsh, violent sob and rushed at him. She threw herself into his embrace, he barely had the time to understand that he was supposed to catch her.

"Renji!" she gasped. Hugging him for all she was worth. She pulled back to gaze at his face, tears running down her cheeks, her eyes shining with still more unshed tears. She too, was beautiful. She brought her hand up to lightly stroke his cheek, then she plucked at the bandana covering his forehead, as if to make sure the tattoos were still there. "You are so thin! And your hair is so short!" she wailed, moving her hand to the back of his head, pulling slightly at the hair that stuck out the bottom of the head covering. "I haven't seen it this short, even when we were kids!"

"Who..?..I'm supposed to know you too, aren't I?" his blank look at her, hit her hard. He was getting agitated with seeing the disappointment in people's faces when he didn't recognize them.

Slowly, he lowered her back to the ground.

"Abarai-fukutaicho, this is Kuchiki Rukia...my sister." The sixth division captain introduced, "I have already briefed her on your status. She will be accompanying us back to Soul Society, and will help you get adjusted with your life back there."

"Sister?.." _Rukia_...it did rattle something in the back if his mind...._he should know this name_.

"Yes, you two have known each other since childhood. Both of you grew up together in the Rukongai."

Rukongai...that name meant nothing to him..._the sister of a noble grew up with me?..._

"Is Urahara-san prepared for your soul removal?" inquired the Kuchiki heir, changing the subject and wanting to move this along...to get back to Soul Society and out of his own gigai. His fukutaicho and sister would have more than enough time to get reacquainted later.

"Yeah, he's in the underground training room waiting for us. I'll take you down there."

* * *

The blonde shopkeeper was reading through a heavy file held in his hands. It looked at least five inches thick. It was full of colorful charts and many handwritten notes, on the front of the cover in bold black lettering was the title: Doe, John; Patient ID#: 523143. He saw the three shinigami approach and put down the file, then picked up his cane.

"Good afternoon, Kuchiki taicho...Kuchiki-san." he acknowledged each in turn. "Looks like we're ready to proceed. Abarai-san has recovered well from his detoxification...I don't think we'll have any adverse effects removing him from his gigai."

Heads were nodded among the three. The redhead looking the most apprehensive.

"Okay," the ex-captain began, all business-mode, "Abarai, you understand that you are actually a shinigami, a soul reaper." He looked at the lieutenant, getting a nod back from him, "You are currently in a gigai, a synthetic body created by myself, that is used to house the soul while in the real world. It allows humans to see us and interact with us. The soul, when in the gigai, takes up the actual physiological characteristics of a human being-- our skin feels like them, we smell like them, we see like them. When the soul is removed from the gigai, you will be in the form you previously were in. That means you will return to the clothes you were wearing before you landed in the gigai, you may also be carrying your zanpakuto or soul slayer." The shop keeper stopped there, to make sure the fukutaicho was still following him.

Renji gave him another nod of understanding.

"Okay, Kuchiki-san. Show Abarai-san your soul form." Urahara said.

Rukia stepped forward, smiling at Renji. With ease, he saw her split in two. With a flash of reiatsu, one of her forms moved forward dressed now in a black _shihakusho _with a sword hanging at her side. The other form fell backwards, falling heavily to the ground, landing in a cloud of dust. It looked like another Rukia was simply sleeping, except she wasn't breathing.

As the reiatsu washed over him, he grit his teeth. It stimulated his memory a bit...they were younger...he saw a brief glimpse of her standing in a river....the sun was setting, and it reflected off the river, engulfing her in orange light...her face was bent over a flower admiring its beauty...he could feel himself standing at the river's edge, admiring hers....

"Renji?..." Rukia had moved forward and had placed her hand on his arm. She had seen the grimace in his face, and had inquired in concern.

"I'm okay..." he said, raising a hand to appease her. "Just a little bit of that spirit pressure hittin' me as all..." he explained.

"Let's try to have you do it this time," said Urahara, indicating the redhead. "First clear your mind. Then, try to imagine your inner energy, your reiatsu if you will...compact it into a ball, then thrust that ball forwards and out."

The fukutaicho looked determinedly at Urahara, "Got it." He did as was asked, and those around him saw a shimmer to his form. He tried again. And again. He was beginning to lose his breath, the strain on him to focus his reiatsu was not easy.

"Well then…maybe we could do this an easier way..."Urahara quipped. "Kuchiki taicho, do you still have the ginkogan I gave you?"

Silently the captain reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a pez-like container with a cartoon rabbit at the top. He handed it over to Urahara, who then proceeded to remove one of the soul candies, and flicked it towards the struggling lieutenant.

"Swallow this," was all the warning Renji got as a green marbled sized sphere came straight at his mouth. He did the only thing he could do-- he opened up and swallowed it as it arched straight into the back of his throat.

Instantly, he felt a large surge in his reiatsu, and was propelled forwards. He turned around to see an identical twin of himself standing there with a stupid grin on his face, except this one had his bandana on, whereas he did not. His eyes went wide. Without a second thought, Urahara poked the gigai in the forehead with the end of his cane. The gigai fell solidly onto the ground…the green marble bounced and rolled a few feet away.

Renji looked down at his own hands...they looked the same. He rubbed them together...they felt the same. He looked down at his uniform...it was ripped in a few places, he was missing a sleeve,and it was covered in blood. He guessed this was what he last looked like, before he got trapped in the gigai.

He immediately felt stronger in soul form. He looked to the shinigami standing around him, he had looked to his captiain first, and a large cheshire grin broke out on his face, "Ahh...this is more like it! I'm feeling better already!"

There was an indiscernible look in the captain's eyes, along with relief. At least he knew Renji could make it back to soul society.

"I notified Soul Society that we would be returning today. When the gate opens, three hell butterflies will appear to lead us back. Abarai fukutaicho, although I informed them that you would not be able to resume your duties immediately, I did not go into detail of your current state." The captain of the Sixth Division said, then proceeded to remove himself from his own gigai.

In a graceful move, the nobleman glided forward, while the foreign body fell back. Regally he stood there, kenseikan gleaming, heirloom scarf slightly blowing in the after effects of the reiatsu surge, and the familiar weight of Senbonzakura resting on his hip. He breathed an inward sigh of relief; it felt wonderful to be back in soul form.

_The white headdress...the flowing scarf..._the fukutaicho was horrified. Fear gripped his entire being. He felt his heart shrinking away from the entity that stood before him. _This_ was the presence in his dreams…his memories…of the one who stood before him and had flayed him to pieces. The one who had all but killed him, and then had turned and walked away…

_What the hell was going on? Why would this man come to find him?_ Renji's head started to ache. It pounded. It hurt. As he stood there, he put his head into his hands to hold it together…because he couldn't think anymore. Anger, hurt, frustration…it all coiled together sickeningly in his gut.

Summoning whatever last bit of courage or foolhardiness he had, he took action. With a low growl, he launched himself at the enemy, fist aiming for that pristine jaw.

To say that the noble was surprised and caught off guard by the action would be entirely true. To say that he was struck and felled by said action would not. The captain took a quick side step to avoid the punch, and grabbed Renji's fist in his hand, effectively stopping the blow in full swing.

The redhead was surprised, the slighter nature of the smaller man belied his immense strength. The lieutenant quickly jumped backwards and realizing he too had a sword on his hip, placed his hand on it, to unsheathe it, readying it for the next blow.

The noble's words were cold and menacing and went through the subordinate like a shard of glass, "Abarai fukutaicho, if you unsheathe your sword at me, be prepared to die. This is an infraction I will not tolerate, no matter what your mental capacity might be."

"Who the hell are you?!" the lieutenant yelled in anguish, "I finally see you for who you really are...you…_killed _me! You stood in front of me and tore me into a thousand pieces!…" Renji stood there, shaking….trying to gather himself.

The noble froze, his eyes narrowed. _Of all the things to remember between them.….this?_ Was it such a profound part of who he was, of who they were… that _this _was the memory of them that Renji harbored? Did he mean nothing else to this man?

The aristocrat too, was irritable. He had been in the human world for ten days now, the longest he ever had in his centuries of living…and he despised being here. It was ugly, it was loud… He was just starting to feel relieved at the prospect of heading home and reassessing everything that had gone on here. And now…being assaulted with how far the journey still had to go, to get the end. Would the end be the result he wanted?

Urahara watched the sixth division captain carefully. He could see the emotional distance widening, the walls starting to build up around the touchy noble.

It was Rukia who put herself in between the two. "Renji!" she admonished, arms akimbo and fists clenched, "It was Aizen that fooled us all, manipulated Soul Society to fight amongst themselves. You and Nii-sama were not immune." She took a moment to glance over at Urahara pointedly, "Choices were made by others beyond our control," then she looked straight into Renji's distressed eyes, voice softening, "But in the end, the war was won. We forgave ourselves and each other for our indiscretions and bad choices. We lost many good friends and comrades, you included…but now you've been found…_you_ are the last piece to be found." She finished quietly.

She had been slowly walking towards him as she spoke. Finally stopping in front of him, she lay her hand softly on top of his, which was still gripping his sword. He stared at her intensely, brow furrowing as he struggled with understanding something that was obviously so vital, as to mold him into what he had become, yet so foreign he was only grasping at shadows. With an aggravated growl he let go of his sword.

"It'll be okay, Renji." she said, trying to comfort him.

Renji stood tense and not entirely under control, "I...I just...I don't know who I am...anymore..." he ground out in frustration, "you say these things to me and I'm just supposed to believe you?! I'm supposed to understand why my taicho splattered me across an entire courtyard? .....dammit!..." He ran a rough hand through his hair, tugging a bit at the hair on the back of his head. He sighed heavily, a little calmer now, "I'm sorry...again, Kuchiki taicho. I don't have a time reference to these…memories…they just appear as if they had happened yesterday…"

An inclination of the head as a response was all he got. The eyes though...had Renji looked into his captain's eyes, he would have seen pain and remorse. Byakuya wanted to hold him...kiss him....assure his fukutaicho that everything was going to turn out alright...but right now, he didn't even know himself if it was true. He would've gone over to him; it wasn't his audience that held him back. Urahara already knew of their involvement, and he had suspected Rukia did too. No, it was the prospect of being rejected that scared him the most. There was no way Renji would accept anything from him right now, least of all comfort. Byakuya wouldn't know what to do, if he were to reach out to the one person that meant so much to him, only to be scornfully rebuffed...derided...rejected.... He thought he would probably break....

Instead, he sealed his grief away, and went back to the business at hand.

"We are nearing our time to leave. Abarai fukutaicho, as you are unpresentable in your current state, you may change into your human clothes for your trip back to Soul Society. We meet back here in one hour. Rukia, finish what you need to in the human world and meet us back here. I think you will be away for quite a while." With that, the noble turned and walked away…towards the unreachable horizon in this strange underground facility. He needed to be alone.....

Rukia acknowledged with a quick nod. She gave Renji a reassuring "see you soon" and flash stepped away.

Renji was left standing with a quiet and subdued Urahara.

"Abarai, you will learn things in the next weeks that will defy all your wildest dreams…and some nightmares. If you can, try to keep an open mind…we've all made, at some point in our lives, terrible choices…that we would all like to take back... some of us don't have that luxury...."

Renji looked questioningly at the shop keeper. He had never seen him so _somber_.

"Yeah, thanks..." said the redhead, as he leaned over his gigai, and removed the bandana with a flick of his wrist. He opened it up and shook it out, then folded it over his head again, tying it in back.

"I just hope the place I'm going to, is somewhere I wanna be."


	9. Chapter 9

I'm not totally satisfied with this chapter....but I've been working on it over and over again to get it to flow better, and I am at a loss. So I'm just going to post it, and move on to the next one. I'll apologize in advance...  
I also chose not to go into detail with too many of Renji's friends back in SS...let's face it, he's Mr. Popularity, and this story's got to end sometime, eh? So I chose one friend I thought would be most poignant...I hope you like it.  
I changed the rating only due to coarse language and minor suggestive themes, but don't get too excited, it's just to stay on the safe side, I don't want to overstep the boundaries.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

The hour of their return to Soul Society was upon them.

Byakuya returned to their rendezvous point as announced, looking as calm as ever; as if he hadn't just threatened his lieutenant with death a mere hour ago. "Abarai fukutaicho, when you enter back into Soul Society, you will be inundated by the spiritual pressure of many captains. Be prepared, we do not show weakness in the Sixth Division. I will lead, and shield you from the brunt of it. Rukia, take up the back and support him if you can. Follow my lead."

"Yes, Kuchiki taicho." affirmed his subordinate. He understood, that any weakness would reflect on his captain... he would not bring dishonor to his division.

Renji was wearing human clothing again, dark black jeans and a gray hooded sweatshirt with human slang written across it. The bandana was again tied in his new fashion, making his whole appearance seem younger than his pre-war self.

The noble looked to the tenchou, "Thank you for your hospitality, Kisuke."

"Think nothing of it, Kuchiki taicho...please...visit us again, soon..." Urahara replied, flapping the wooden fan in front of his face.

Rukia then stepped off to the side, and removed her zanpakuto. She opened the senkaimon gate that would return them all to Soul Society.

Byakuya walked through first.

Renji second. "Welcome home, Abarai..." the shop keeper murmured, as the lieutenant stepped through the white light...

Rukia picked up the rear.

* * *

He was floating in white light, following the number six insignia on the back of the imposing man in front of him.

Abruptly, he found himself walking through another doorway, and for a moment the weight of the world was on his shoulders...his knees almost collapsed and his head swam...until he remembered his taicho's words and forcibly kept himself standing...and suddenly the weight seemed to lift.

He looked around at his surroundings....it was breathtaking here. The colors were so clear and vivid...and the air so clean...

An old man stood far in front of him, flanked on either side by two lines of shinigami in white haori, much like the one his captain wore. There were holes in the lines, spaces where he suspected others were supposed to stand...but for some reason or another, their places were left empty. Behind some of them stood other shinigami in black uniforms only...he assumed a second in command to the first, like himself. _How many times had his captain stood in this same line, with his place empty behind him?_

"Welcome back to Soul Society, Abarai fukutaicho." the old man rasped, in a voice as old as time. "Fortune smiles upon us on this day...when one of warriors is returned to us. Kuchiki taicho informed me that you would need time to adjust here before returning to duty. I will leave it to his discretion.... The taicho and fukutaicho of the Gotei 13 wanted to greet you in formation, to honor your return." The old man turned to the lines, "Acknowledged and dismissed! Your time is now your own." The old man gave Renji a nod, and walked away.

_So much for fanfare..._

"Renji!"  
"Abarai fukutaicho!"  
"Abarai-kun!"

It seemed everyone converged on him at once, some giving him a hug, others slapping him on the back and shoulders. He was like a deer caught in the headlights. Luckily, he could still feel Kuchiki taicho buffering the reiatsu of the other captains...otherwise he was sure he'd be on the ground by now. Some could not conceal their shock at his appearance; others simply noted his physical change with a sympathetic eye. It was a short kid with gleaming white hair that finally pointed out the obvious...

"You don't know who any of us are, do you, Abarai?" The kid had a large a scar running down the side of his neck, his icy green eyes only a shade warmer than his own captain's.

_Was this kid some kind of genius?_

"Everyone, please," the tired noble revealed, "Abarai fukutaicho was severely wounded in the war and trapped in the human world. He cannot remember any of you, or anything regarding this place. Please introduce yourselves to him slowly over the next few days. Rukia will be helping him adjust."

With that introduction, so began Renji's slow assimilation back into Soul Society.

* * *

He was dreaming. He knew it was a dream, because he felt that familiar touch. The touch of want...of desire... No one touched him this way, except that one soul who had pursued him. Who had chased after him, wanting to bring him to his knees. How that fixation to surpass had evolved into respect and admiration...and then mutated into passion and devotion, had been a surprise to both of them. He too had held himself back for years...his own ardor for his subordinate had shocked him. But after witnessing first hand, the depth and honesty in this one man's soul...he could do nothing else but surrender to the truth laid out in front of him.

And with a simple touch of this one man, he felt his heart race, his blood thrum...

It was a good dream. Firm lips were suckling at his ear, sharp teeth emerged to bite at the nape of his neck, and then a hot wet tongue laved at the bruise, all but apologizing...and promising more...more... Large warm hands were divesting him of his finery...tonight he had been at a lavish dinner for his noble clan, clad in the formal colors of the Kuchiki- an opulent lavender overlaid by rich, darkly textured purple and midnight black that enhanced his pale and elegant features. He had already removed his kenseikan, his hair falling free and loose added to his softer look. The layers upon layers of his heavy silk brocade kimono were easily being breached by the hands of a former street rat and orphan from the 78th district of the Rukongai...now a lieutenant of Soul Society....a man now only second in line to the Sixth Division of the Gotei 13.

"You are beautiful..." came a rough guttural whisper in his ear.

No one had ever said that to him...not in this way. He gasped, as that hand finally made its way to his skin, igniting tiny fires with every stroke and caress. Calloused fingers pushed the garment off to expose one shoulder and that skillful mouth moved quickly to seize that open area of skin to claim it too in a bite that spoke of possession. He was turned to look into his full length dressing mirror with his lover now standing behind him…Renji had been waiting for him, wearing only his black silk pajama bottoms slung low across his hips.

Byakuya leaned back against that hard body behind him, as a hand came up to thread through his hair, blunt fingernails scraping at his scalp to massage and angle his head to one side. Eager attention was bestowed upon his sensitive neck, as the other hand made its way to loosen his robes…he groaned softly at the sensation as he felt one leg being exposed to the night air and he saw the absolute contrast of that tanned hand glide knowingly over his pale thigh.

His platinum eyes half-lidded, were reflected in the mirror…he saw himself differently then, like he was observing someone else-- a wanton creature whose garments were open, revealing an erotic shoulder and chest, while a long alabaster leg peeked out from luxurious silk. He was being ravished by an ardent lover…one graced with brilliant scarlet hair cascading over broadly muscled shoulders and black spiritual markings that were a testament to his strength. He was seeing for the first time, the yearning in his own eyes for the substance between them.

"I want you....Byakuya..." a hot breath to the back of his ear sent a shiver down his spine…"I need to be…_inside_ you…." …a low seductive voice...enticed.... "Let me show you...how _good_ it can feel..."

His breath hitched for a second. So far in their…_affair_, he had been the aggressor, the dominant one....it was all he knew...it was his nature.

He looked into the eyes of the one man who could see into his soul...ruby eyes that had darkened into black with hunger unchecked and something…unfathomable...asking him to divest himself of everything...to lay down his captaincy, his nobility, his pride...to lay it aside for a _man_...something the other knew he had never done before.

He realized he wanted it…wanted to be possessed by Abarai Renji and experience the shared intimacy that would take him_…them_…to an untouchable summit. It would inexplicably bind him to this man; someone whom he would allow to have him when he was most vulnerable.

"Then you shall have me...Renji...I am yours..." he replied, the deep timbre of his voice echoing into the dark night.

The Kuchiki heir awoke.

* * *

A week had passed, and he was starting to get a little frustrated...

He was there at the sixth division's training grounds, as had been his routine after work, to get himself back to top physical shape. Others from the division were there too, but left him alone...they could sense his brooding reiatsu and opted to leave him to his own thoughts. He was here...since, really, there was nothing else to do.

He had been to his apartment that first day, eager to look through his own things and figure out what kind of person he was. His lodgings were bare; some toiletries, dishes...he didn't have many pictures... only a graduating class picture from the academy, a picture from his lieutenant's promotional ceremony, and a couple more from different parties here and there. None of the faces, except for Rukia, were familiar to him. Even his clothes were sparse...it was like he only partially lived there..._could he have been more of an anomaly to himself?_

He was mulling this over as he went through his workout for the evening. His muscles were becoming used to the hard workouts; drops of sweat dotted the earthen floor beneath him. He had removed his top before beginning, loving the feel of the cool evening air on his sweat exposed skin. His hair was covered by the bandana, his hakama was slowly darkening as the perspiration soaked into the cloth. He silently counted off the steps to the _kata_ he was practicing...and was distracted as an obnoxious voice cut through his thoughts...

"Oi!...Ren-ji!"

He growled low, as the hair on his neck stood up....everyone now knew of his "predicament"...for someone to call out to him so familiarly..._what an asshole_..... The redhead turned; ready to bite that man's head off, when he registered the white haori of a captain walking toward him. The lean and wiry man looked menacing; especially with that gleaming bald head of his....

"I know you?..." he responded with jut of his chin and a furrow to his brow.

"Heh,.." smirked the captain, "what, I offend you or somethin' Renji? We're old friends, from way back when we were both part of the 11th division, under Zaraki taicho. We trained, sparred, drank, fought....I know a lot about you..._buddy_." He stuck out his hand, "Madarame Ikkaku, captain of the Seventh Division."

Renji reached out to shake the exposed hand, "Nice to meet you, Madarame taicho."

Ikkaku gave him a snort, "Now I know you're off your nut...call me Ikkaku..._Renji_..." he retorted, with a gleam in his eye.

The fukutaicho narrowed his eyes, but didn't respond. Finally, a wide grin broke out..."Yeah, man...if you insist. It'll be nice knowin' someone around here that ain't gonna treat me with kid gloves."

The bald captain slapped him on his shoulder, "Let's go for a drink, for old time's sake. I rarely drink nowadays...but I'm willing to make an exception for you."

"Sure...but I don't drink much either."

"Sounds like you're a cheap date, Abarai. Might be an early night for us after all..."

Two hours later, they were still nursing their drinks in the seventh captain's office. The newly promoted captain had his feet up on his desk, leaning way back into his chair. Renji was sprawled out on the couch, he had replaced his top but hadn't tied it. They had settled into a comfortable back and forth banter, with Ikkaku telling him stories about their lives before the war.

He told the redhead that they'd been tight for awhile when they were both in the 11th, but then Renji went and got himself promoted to the sixth division...and how he had gotten all "serious" about exceeding his captain's expectations. Then came the incident with Rukia and the ryoka...and it seemed that he had finally bridged the chasm that had begun to grow between himself and his childhood friend after she was adopted by the Kuchiki clan...as Renji seemed to spend a lot of time at the Kuchiki estate after the Aizen incident, leading up to the war.

Ikkaku told him about the friends that they lost in the war...and the lieutenant felt awkward, knowing he was supposed to grieve them, but not being able to because he couldn't remember them. A deep sense of impotence burned in his belly, the dead deserved better from him...his friends deserved to be remembered as brave soldiers, to be honored, not forgotten.

The captain went quiet for awhile, seeming to battle with an inner demon...and finally got off his chest what he really wanted to say.

"You know, Renji...when I heard you had been found, I was fuckin' whooping it up. Finally, one of our comrades was coming home _alive_. It was about time we had some good news. I know you don't remember Komamura taicho or Iba fukutaicho, but they were the leaders of Seventh Division...good, honorable leaders. Me, I was a fuck up. When the war first started, we lieutenants were assigned to guard the towers to Karakura town. My only job was to keep the tower up."

Ikkaku moved his feet off the desk, and took a large gulp of his sake, wincing as it burned its way down his throat. He fingered the bowl...hesitating to say the words weighing heavily in his heart. "I failed." The bald head shook back and forth, "No, I didn't fail, I gave into my pride...and lost."

The redhead listened intently, sitting up to pay attention.

"Iba showed up, to stop the reversal on Karakura town that started after I let my tower fall." Ikkaku growled, remembering something that made him cringe, "He railed into me, basically calling me a failure and a coward. He told me, _nothing matters but winning_, and that my pride had made me lose face. He was ashamed of me. I was pissed...but he was right. Here I was, a third seat, basically taking it easy because I thought the world was mistreating me...that I should have been lieutenant to Zaraki and the 11th division....that I knew I had bankai and that I was going to hold back because I felt somehow that Zaraki should beg me himself to assist him and the Gotei with my _gift,_" the self disgust was apparent. The bald captain refilled his bowl, and easily downed it in one draught.

"Iba said that he knew I had bankai. Everyone knew. That I was an ass for thinking myself more clever than the Gotei....Finally Komamura taicho had to step in to defeat the fraccion that had crumbled my tower. It wasn't even an espada or vasto lorde that I had allowed to beat me. It was a measly, weak, fuckin' _fraccion_. I shoulda been able to beat that mutha' easy...even if I had to use my bankai. I shoulda held my tower up, it was my only job. Komamura looked at me, I saw the disappointment there, then he said he would "overlook" what Iba had said....again, giving me an easy way out, if that's what I wanted." The captain finally looked up and met Renji's eyes, his own filled with self loathing.

"Komamura and Iba both died in the war." He sighed, rubbing his head, as if to ease away the pain inside, "I can't ever repay them for making me see what an ungrateful bastard I had become. Zaraki had become my crutch, I blamed wanting to die under his leadership an an excuse for my failure as an honorable shinigami. I turned myself around after that day. I became the person you see here today, wholly indebted to respectable, worthy men. I was able to earn back the trust of the Gotei...'though at first, I begged them to let me die for my failure. The soutaicho told me the only way I can honor their memory is to become the type of captain they would be proud of...to use my legacy as theirs...I agreed."

"Why are you telling me this, Ikkaku?"

"Because sooner or later, I have a feeling you're gonna get back your memories, Renji...and I don't want you knowing only who I used to be, but _why_ I am..._who_ I am now. I'm ashamed of the man you'll remember....I want you to know the man I have become."

* * *

He was called into his captain's office. He was nervous again, now it always seemed like there was some kind of tension between the two of them.

"Abarai fukutaicho, report your progress." His captain sat at his desk, looking flawless and composed. He watched as Kuchiki taicho looked up from the report he was reading and bore into him with those unnaturally intense eyes.

"Hai, taicho. I've taken up leading the squad in both morning _kata_ and afternoon training. Departmental and patrol reports are being turned into me first, and those that need your attention are being placed on your desk…" the lieutenant began.

"I am more interested in you and your progress with your zanpakuto," interrupted the noble.

"Uhh..," Renji could feel his face flush in embarrassment, "I..uh..haven't been able to call out to him, sir. I can see it, but I can't hear it."

"Abarai, the sixth division is a combat unit. With the number of currently inactive divisions, we are now one of the few that have both a captain and lieutenant. I was informed by the soutaicho that we will be put into high rotation and will be assigned patrol in a few weeks time."

"Yes, sir."

"It is imperative that you reestablish your bond and communication with your zanpakuto. You are one of the few that has already attained bankai…I will offer my assistance, if you want it."

"Yes, I'd like that. Thank you, sir."

The noble inwardly sighed; he did not like this Abarai that was so meek beside him. He wanted that brash, outgoing young man that so attracted and challenged him. This Abarai seemed only a shell of his true self…he had to attribute that to his fractured mind. Would the real Abarai ever return? He paused, there was something else that needed to be asked, but he was hesitant to bring up.

"Abarai…have you…recovered any further memories of anyone here?"…_of us?..._

"No, sir…" the subordinate's gaze dropped to the immaculate wooden floor; his frustration was evident. It didn't seem fair to him that he was a stranger in his own homeland, his own life.

The disappointment in the steely gray eyes was missed by the fukutaicho. Once again, it seemed like they were out of sync together…an odd, erratic sensation Byakuya didn't appreciate in his interactions with his former companion. When once they were moving to one beat, now it seemed as if they were in always in dissonance.

"Thank you, fukutaicho. You are dismissed."

* * *

The weeks spent in soul society were starting to become routine.

He began spending a lot of his off-time with Rukia; she enjoyed telling him stories about their childhood in the Rukongai. About their decision to become shinigami, about the ryoka invasion and about the events that led to the Aizen War. She tried to keep it objective, she knew enough not to subjugate him to her own opinions...she figured he'd eventually make up his own mind how to feel about everything.

They were sitting now on a hill overlooking the 78th district, Inuzuri, the place they came from.

The sun was setting, a warm orange glow setting the horizon on fire. Rukia sat between Renji and the sunset, and when he glanced at her, he saw again, that memory of her standing in the river, radiant as the sun washed over her.

_The impression of the person with soft ebony hair in his memories...he could never attach a face to it...was it Rukia he was remembering?...._

No one had come up to him, to greet him like a lost husband...or lover. Had that memory been something long in the past? His memories never gave him an inkling of time or season. For all he knew, their essential immortality as shinigami could make it a possibility that his lost lover was with him decades ago. But it seemed so recent...so real...

She was talking again, reminiscing...looking afar and wistful and she told him yet another story about them...._she looked beautiful_....

He was curious. He reached out, to trace her jaw line with his fingers....she paused in her story, her breath caught in her throat....he leaned in and tilted his head, brushing his lips against hers.

He leaned back to look into her eyes...into surprised reflections of violet....and noticed an amusement lurking within.

Renji smirked, and with an ingrained cockiness, he leaned in again, this time slowly pushing her onto her back on the grass and firmly pressed his lips to hers again. Tender, warm lips massaged their petite delicate counterparts; his tongue ran over her bottom lip and invited its way inside the foreign mouth. She was comfortable and sweet. He lazily mapped out the softness of her mouth, drawing her tongue into a playful game. Eventually he pulled back, to gauge her reaction…his own reaction to her was…lukewarm….

"R..Renji..." she stuttered momentarily dazed, he had never kissed her like_ that_…she had always wondered what it would be like. She found she had to take an extra breath, while lying there, observing the peach clouds above their heads.

Finally remembering his circumstances, however, she smirked and said slyly, "I don't think you've got the right person..."

He quirked an eyebrow at her.


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks to all of you following this story! I appreciate each and every review!  
Hope you all had a happy holiday season...now, back to work, eh?

* * *

**Chapter 10**

"Nii-sama!" the fifth seat of the 13th division exclaimed, giving him a warm smile and a respectful bow, "How nice to see you this morning!"

"Good morning, Rukia. I have an appointment with Ukitake taicho, is he well enough for visitors this morning?" her brother replied, as he entered the division offices.

"Yes, he is. I'll go get him."

* * *

The tall redhead was being led silently by a servant of the Kuchiki estate. He was scheduled for a meeting with his captain to go over reestablishing his bond with his zanpakuto. Interestingly enough, his captain had told him to meet at the estate. As he was being led down intricate corridors, his mind kept mulling over the implications of what Rukia had told him the night prior-- that she was not the one he was thinking of.

He had tried to pry more information from the obstinate woman, but she only eluded his most insistent questions with vague innuendo. Ultimately tiring of her teasing at his expense, he rose to leave her, and only then did he receive the most direct answer he had gotten all evening…that it was perhaps time he needed to have an overdue tête-à-tête with his commanding officer.

It took a while to get to his destination; and he realized he actually knew where he was being led to…Kuchiki taicho's personal rooms.

Many of the doors in this part of the estate were already open to take advantage of the fresh morning air and crisp breezes. Next to one open doorway, they stopped and the servant announced him to the man inside; with a polite bow to the lieutenant, she left.

"Good morning, Abarai fukutaicho. Come this way."

With a bow and returned greeting, he mechanically followed his leader. Walking two footsteps behind his captain, Renji stared intently at the raven hair swaying in the light wind. He wanted to reach out run his fingers through it, to see if it felt like the soft silken hair in his visions. _Was that what Rukia was alluding to?_ The idea sets off a fluttering of nervousness in his gut.

He opens his mouth, wanting to ask..._something_..._anything_...but the intimidating aura of the man in front of him leaves his words trapped in his throat.

They had reached their destination, a garden on the other side of the captain's rooms. It was truly spring now in Soul Society, and the sakura trees in the noble's garden were in full bloom. The pink and white blossoms hung heavily from their delicate branches; sporadically, a handful of petals would be grabbed from their perches by a gust of wind and dance lazily along the invisible breeze. It was mid-morning, and the soft spring sunlight bathed the garden with tranquility. A sense of peacefulness filled the fukutaicho by just basking in the beauty and serenity of his surroundings.

"None of the servants are allowed here, so we will not be disturbed. You are more than welcome to walk in it, Abarai..." the aloof noble gestured with his hands toward the immaculate garden.

"It's beautiful here, taicho!"

"Yes, it is..." the captain replied, as he stepped onto the well worn stones.

The redhead curiously observed everything around him as he followed the noble; the meticulously clipped grass, the delicate and exotic flowers, the branches overhead that sprinkled shadows upon them as they walked. He breathed in deeply; the beauty of outside Sereitei was nothing compared to this. They were nearing an enormous sakura tree...he turned his head, already knowing there would be a large koi pond around the bend.

The captain was aware of the subordinate behind him; nervousness and tension leaked out of his still foreign reiatsu, one that was unguarded and exposed to the noble. He carefully extended his own, to probe at this unfamiliar spirit, to try and examine it without alerting the apprehensive fukutaicho to what he was doing. It seemed easy enough to do, his second in command was not adept at controlling and recognizing the subtleties in his new spiritual pressure just yet.

The sensitive noble explored the essence of the reiatsu. There were traces of the old Abarai, but placed over and threaded throughout that reiatsu was another…_frequency_….and it appeared hard-wired to who his soul now was. That result was disheartening for the noble.

They came upon a picturesque view at the heart of the garden. Under the large sakura tree, his captain bade him to seat himself comfortably.

"Kuchiki taicho…is this part of the zanpakuto training?" the curious lieutenant asked, if not a bit skeptically.

"Yes, Abarai…today we shall use meditation in an attempt to communicate with your zanpakuto. We will clear your mind in order to commune with your soul. Remember that the zanpakuto is an extension of oneself…when we can be at one with ourselves, we are most open to counsel with our zanpakuto." His captain moved behind him, out of his line of vision.

"Close your eyes. Empty your mind. Concentrate only on my voice. Now, envision your reiatsu, as it permeates the atmosphere around you…reach out and call it to you…pull it in until it surrounds you ...…now…reach out again with your mind…call out for your zanpakuto…."

Slowly the voice faded from Renji's consciousness. Kuchiki taicho sounded like he was moving farther and farther away, until his voice suddenly vanished.

Renji opened his eyes.

He was standing in a lush bamboo forest, trees tall enough to tower into the sky. To his left, he hears the faint rumblings of a waterfall, and walks toward it. The roar gets louder, and as he breaks into a clearing he faces a massive wall of water, spilling into a crystal clear pond. At the juncture of waterfall and pond, the mist is thick and white. As he watches…the white mist moves away from the break and it is clear that the nue was standing behind the waterfall, on a ledge of earth, watching his approach. Although the nue should be soaked with water, he is still dry…it walks along the back of the waterfall and comes towards him. The albino is enormous, its fur is luminescent, the spiritual markings stark against artificial sunlight of his spiritual world.

"Renji…"

The redhead is surprised, more so that he can hear the words in his head, in addition to them echoing in his ears.

"So…you can finally hear my voice…" the rough growl of the nue is comforting to him, "I'm glad your noble has helped you to hear me. We have been unable to communicate for much too long."

"Yesss...Renji, we have missed your spiritual presence on our plane." The snake has slithered its way over the shoulder of the baboon, "We thought, perhaps, a new master would be calling us soon..."

"Che...bastard!" the recovered fukutaicho scoffs good naturedly, "you ain't gettin' rid of me that easy!" The lieutenant can instantly tell that his bond with his zanpakuto is one of camaraderie and ease, not stilted with formality or awe. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"We are an extension of your soul....we mostly only know...what you do...I can say that we were in the middle of battle...when something else came to your attention. You broke away...to attend to something..." the baboon is grasping at its own incomplete memories, trying to help his master...

But the snake, conceited and selfish, tries to direct his shinigami back to their own cause.

"Renji, we are ready to fight again. We are well healed, and you…you are as healed as you will ever be…now…call us forth…

"as Zabimaru…." The baboon finishes…its voice deep and forceful.

He closes his eyes as he hears, finally, the name of his zanpakuto. It washes over him, and for a moment the fukutaicho regains his confidence…that the pieces will all fall back into place, that he can once again take back his life…

He feels a surge in his reiatsu, sees the crimson ethereal flame surround him.

"Howl, Zabimaru!" he commands, the swell of reiatsu pumping adrenalin into his veins, warming him with the caress of his spirit. His sword, now held up in front of him transforms into its shikai state.

Renji is heady with his power rush, he has yet to control it entirely, but takes pleasure in allowing it to release unhindered. A wolfish grin breaks out onto his face, "Alright," he growls, "let's get this started…"

* * *

"Not so weak after all, huh?" he taunts his zanpakuto.

If it's at all possible, the nue smirks, "You should see us in BanKai, Renji. Then you would see what we are really capable of."

"Just show me the way, Zabimaru..." the redhead replies, clearly exhausted, but eager to continue.

"You must learn to walk before running." the nue chides him gently.

The redhead snorted. It had been so long since he had had anything good to celebrate, to be proud of or feel happy about…he didn't want Zabimaru to bring him down off his metaphoric high just yet.

The nue saunters toward him, "You've been injured badly, Renji…I was sure we had fought our last together. Even now, your reiatsu isn't what it's supposed to be…"

"Yeah,…I know I'm weak…but with your help I can be strong again," the linked soul replies.

"No, Renji…your reiatsu is _different_…something's changed…we will have to _learn _to fight together again…." The rumble of the nue's words alarms the shinigami.

"You mean I won't be who I was?...Isn't it all just going to come back to me?..." a little desperation tinges his words.

"You are a different person now…even your noble has already figured it out…"

These words are not what the subordinate wants to hear…but he also picks up on something else…

"Why do you keep calling him my noble?...He's my captain…"

The nue looks knowingly into troubled, agitated amber eyes, "I am an extension of you, Renji…and although I cannot account for why you have changed, I am aware of what you once were."

The fukutaicho is suddenly nervous, like the next words out of his zanpakuto will alter his reality….

"You and the noble…"

"Don't spoil it for him…" hisses the serpent, winding itself around the back leg of its host, "His noble must be given the honor of informing him…."

Memories of Rukia flash in his head…

_Nii-sama hasn't said anything to you?…..you two need to talk, Renji._

"Go back to your noble, find the answers. When your mind is at peace, we can move forward."

* * *

A shiver slides its way down his spine. Renji opens his eyes to find that he is once again back in the immaculate garden of his taicho. Sakura flowers have nested on his head, his shoulders, his lap. He stands to shake them off, and walks over to the pond, watching as the koi lazily circle beneath the mirrored surface. He senses Kuchiki taicho approaching.

Before his captain has a chance to diverge him off his path of thought, Renji turns, and voices what must be asked, "Who are we to each other?" a little more accusatory than he wants it to sound.

The Kuchiki heir recognizes that his second in command has been successful in rebuilding his bond with his sword; he can feel the increase in reiatsu already, and is about to inquire about it, when he is frozen in mid-stride from this sudden attack. He isn't prepared for such a boldly open question, he is blind-sided, and is unable to hide his thoughts…in his eyes, Renji can finally see the hope, the uncertainty of it all. The redhead has his answer.

"We are lovers, aren't we?" he asks, gently.

Byakuya is speechless. He opens his mouth to reply, but his throat is dry and he cannot for the life of him, get this tongue to work properly. Finally, he manages enough air out of his lungs to hoarsely reply, "..Yes.." only to have it sound gravely and strained…he cannot believe that the voice is his own.

Renji nods once at the confirmation, swallowing hard. He too, is at a loss for words, and for a few minutes, the silence stretches between them.

"May I…touch you?..." the captain asks softly, breaking the silence.

The redhead looks up, startled at the gentleness of the inquiry, coming from what he has come to know as a stoic and unapproachable man. His heart softens at the tenderness of the noble in front of him.

"Yes…" he whispers almost shyly, a small smile upon his lips.

The captain walks up to him cautiously, as if he were a fawn about to bolt. A graceful hand moves up to softly stroke the line of his jaw, fingers find their way to his brow, lightly drawing the tattoos hidden under the head covering, they come back down to trace the line of his nose, and finally he closes his eyes as those gelid fingers soothe over his eyelids.

When he opens his eyes again, he is mesmerized by the liquid pools of mercury he has seen in his dreams, they are his taicho's eyes.

Byakuya embraces him, burying his face into his neck, inhaling deeply, the essence of Abarai. The lieutenant tenses for a moment, and considers pulling away, but a deeper contentment is realized and Renji instead returns the embrace, raising his arms to encircle the shoulders of his captain.

After a few moments of basking in the familiar hold of his fukutaicho, Byakuya is the first to move. He nestles in closer to his subordinate's neck, tilting his head up to nuzzle at the back of Renji's ear with the tip of his nose.

It sends a shudder through his second in command.

He exhales, sending a hot breath to the back of the same ear, then opens his mouth to lick at the soft skin at the back of the prayed upon appendage, slowly he pulls the velvety lobe into his mouth, to suckle and nip upon it.

Renji's eyes fight to stay open, but they close, slowly, giving into the pleasure the noble is inducing in him.

In the back of his mind, the captain vaguely reminds himself to be gentle with this Abarai, the one who considers him still a stranger. The call is left unheeded; it has been too long since he has been able to touch anyone, let alone the one we wants to most of all.

Byakuya releases the ear to bestow hot wet kisses to a muscular neck, tongue darting out to lick at the tattoos he hasn't tasted in over a year. He can feel himself give into the hunger, unwilling to hold it in check, unable to prevent himself from touching every inch of the man in front of him. His hands move over the broad shoulders, down to the small of his fukutaicho's back, they circle around front and up to the chest, to fist into the lapels of his subordinate's shihakusho. His mouth begins a hard suck to the adam's apple, and then up to lave and suck at the favorite sensitive spot only he knows Renji has at the juncture of his neck and chin.

"Renji…" he groans, "I have missed you…I want you…"

The thick desire and longing in his captain's voice pulls Renji out of his stupor. He begins to panic instead and pulls back.

"Taicho!" he grabs at his captain's shoulders and pushes him away, holding him at arm's length; his eyes widen in surprise when he sees the passion in his captain's eyes…and then the hurt.

Byakuya snaps out of his lust induced fog…like a chill wave had crested over them both.

The lieutenant feels like shit…the last thing he'd ever want to do is hurt his captain. The man who came to find him and return him home…he owed him his fealty, his life.

The redhead takes a deep steadying breath, "I'm sorry, taicho…I didn't mean to…" _lead you on…_

"The fault is not yours, fukutaicho. It is my own." He backs away from his subordinate, moving toward the shelter of the sakura tree.

Renji can't help but notice he's back to being addressed by title, not name.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

A rueful smile graces the pained features of the taicho, "I think you know that reason, now."

"Oh."

The silence stretches uncomfortably between them again, more so for the subordinate, who was never one for silence. "Can I ask you questions…about us?...uh,...if its okay with you…I mean."

The noble closes his eyes, and turns away from his second in command, but nonetheless Renji hears a soft, "..By all means…"

"Do people know about us?"  
"Those that choose to see, see."

"How long have we…?" he can't even say the words.  
"Two years prior to your disappearance…"

Two years…he is floored by this answer. _How much has he lost?  
_  
"How long has it been since the ryoka invasion?…" …since _we_ fought.…  
"It has been five years since that event."

Five years…

He feels childish for asking this last question…but he must know.

"Do we…love…each other?"  
"Yes."

The response is so softly said, he can't be sure if he heard or imagined it.

Abarai is honest to a fault, an open book. The answers he receives from the noble start to unnerve him; make him feel like he's supposed to be able to just pick up where he left off. With a heavy heart, he tries to express his uncertainties…

"I know I feel something between us, taicho. I just…don't know…if its love…"

_Stop._

"...or gratitude or...I want to give back to you what you deserve, not something I think I might owe you."

_Stop please._

"If you give me time, I know I can _learn to love you_... if that's what it is."

He had never felt white hot pain, burning through him like those words searing into his mind, his heart. He had heard them before, those words, coming from the delicate lips of a fragile woman. He had taken those words to heart then, had bet for a future where he could have had those words paid in full. It was not to be. His wife had died before they had borne fruit.

One promise he had made to his own soul, above all other promises to dying spouses or dead ancestors, was to never settle for those words ever again. He would be damned first.

That's where he felt he was.

In hell.

The tentative proposal he had discussed with the Thirteenth Division now seems like his only salvation. He had originally submitted the plan as an alternate, in the event his fukutaicho could not connect with his zanpakuto. He would not send his subordinate out to patrol if he could not even call his soul slayer into shikai. Ironically, he would now use it to save himself.

Empirically, his analytical mind takes over for his failing emotional one. He is able to find some fragment of comfort in the cold, calculating, detachedness of duty. Wrapping the last vestiges of self preservation around him like the tattered and threadbare cloak it now was, the Kuchiki heir makes the only decision he can.

"Abarai fukutaicho...you will report for your mission to patrol Karakura town as directed, tomorrow. After this last duty to the Sixth Division, you will be transferred to the Thirteenth Division, under Ukitake taicho. Do not report to me or the Sixth Division taisha upon your return."

Renji is stunned. He could see that what he had said had changed his taicho; the captain's entire reiatsu had shifted. It was glacial…and protective of the one inside.

"K-Kuchiki taicho! Don't do this!" he argued.

"Abarai fukutaicho. It is apparent that you are not the same man I used to know. That Abarai Renji died in the war over a year ago. I cannot be your captain any longer...do not ask me to do so." His voice is steady, but the Kuchiki can barely stand, his knees are weak and his head is throbbing...but he knows he must get through this...he has withstood harsher…physical…pain before. "You will not suffer a demotion or blight to your record with this transfer...."

"Fuck the demotion! Fuck the records! Taicho!"

"Silence Abarai!" the noble struggles to keep it together...he clenches his teeth; he will not debase himself by faltering his words. "Remember your place. It is my final decision...now...leave."

"Kuchiki taicho....please!" the subordinate begs, taking a few steps forward in entreaty.

"Leave me!" the tense noble can feel the man move towards him, and wants nothing to do with the imposter in his presence. The deluded captain can't believe he has raised his voice...that he has betrayed his body to this kind of petulant emotion....but neither can he comprehend this ending that is laid out before him.

Distressed, the fukutaicho is at a loss. He can feel his captain's reiatsu rise up in front of him like a barrier, telling him in no uncertain terms to keep his distance. He wants to say _anything_ that would change what has just occurred. In truth, he knows his words would be false, their meaning empty to this man he has just eviscerated with his honesty.

Defeated, he leaves.

As the noble feels the unfamiliar reiatsu fade into nothingness, he finally allows himself to falter.

Staring into empty space, he feels the coldness wrap around his heart, seep into his bones. His legs, no longer able to support him, fail, and he sinks onto his knees onto the cold ground. He remains there, trembling, unseeing...unable to direct his body to get up.

Sakura petals float down softly around him…they fall like the tears he is unable to shed... surrounding the noble in their sorrow.


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks again to everyone following this story, and for all your wonderful reviews!  
I know the last chapter was a little over the top on drama, so this one is mostly plot and moves the story along...without angst...I think. I dunno, angst is like...my best friend or something...it just follows me wherever I go.  
Anyways, Enjoy!

* * *

Concerned violet irises scanned the secluded garden, searching for the reiatsu that was currently and continually suppressed. It was late into the night. He had not presented himself for dinner for the last several weeks, preferring to take them in the privacy of his own rooms. The worried servants had implored her to inquire into his well being….he had not touched any of his intricately arranged meals; no matter how the cook had prepared his most favorite dishes.

Only the luminosity of the moon lit her way into the quiet vegetation. She came around the bend, mouth open, ready to call out to him, when she glimpsed the dark shinigami set in perfect seiza. He was sitting under the sakura tree at the heart of the garden, and apparently had been there for quite a while. Petals of the fallen sakura had collected all around him; many littered his hair, his shoulders…

She could tell that he was deep in meditation, else he would have heard and felt her by now. She walked up to him quietly, not wanting to disturb him, kneeled down to the side of him and looked up into his face. It was porcelain smooth and beatific. But she knew him better now, knew the last time he drew himself away like this was almost 16 months ago, when Renji had not returned from the war. He had fasted for innumerable days, kept himself in deep meditation at nights after his duties to the Gotei had been fulfilled during the days, and had kept the servants at their wits end in worry for months.

He did this to extend his body to its limits...so that only the essential parts of him needed to function; his body didn't have enough to indulge in the "extras" of emotions…or memories... It was also his way of instituting discipline-- of his mind over his body.

She worried for him, ached for him.

Their relationship had strengthened in the last five years, since the truth of her adoption had been revealed. He still held her at arms length for the most part, and was unceasingly polite and formal…but centuries of aristocratic upbringing was not overcome by familial casualty in a mere half decade. She knew he was trying to be more open and gentle around her, at least he now _looked_ at her, and that made her reach out to him in return; unafraid to show him her true personality.

It was noteworthy that she felt comfortable enough with him now, that she would actually be here, uninvited to his private garden, to inquire of his well being.

Ukitake taicho had informed her of Renji's "temporary reassignment" into their division, with some explanation of protecting him from combat until he could reconnect with his zanpakuto. Although she had smiled politely at him and assured her taicho she'd readily help the redhead, she knew, obviously, there were _other_ reasons why he had been transferred from the Sixth. She had to assume, given these circumstances, that Renji had finally breached _that_ topic with his captain, and that the outcome had not been a good one.

The petite brunette extended her reiatsu around her brother, to alert him she was near, and used it to wrap him in what may have been considered to be a soft embrace. She felt him push back a little, at first rebuffing her actions, but then felt him give in, and accept her comfort. But he did not come out of meditation…so she silently sat with him a while. Eventually she stood to leave, understanding that he'd still be there for hours to come.

* * *

The blank screen remained unchanged. No hollows. _Maybe that damned scanner was broken._ His mission in the real world was a four week assignment. Besides the two weak hollows he had easily defeated in the first 10 days, the rest of the mission had been decidedly uneventful.

He found himself with too much time on his hands…too much time to replay his last encounter with his captain…scratch that…_former_ captain. Growling low to himself, he began to pace in the small room at the shoten that he stayed at. _Damn_…It had felt _so_ good...his body had remembered, even when his mind had balked. His arms had instinctively moved into that embrace…his skin had tingled at that tongue, where it had licked…and his heart had hammered in his chest at that mouth, when it had sucked on that spot…even now his body shuddered in pleasure at those memories.

_When was the last time Kuchiki taicho had even allowed himself to touch anyone…to allow anyone to touch him?_ Since day one at the dojo when he had been found, wherever that man went, the lieutenant's eyes were drawn to his captain. Unlike Renji's other friends, who had openly welcomed him back with a hug or slap on the back, he realized Kuchiki taicho had never touched him. He could see the man just didn't interact with people like that…and the one time he did… _I blew it…._

"I'm a fuckin' idiot…." growled the redhead, lashing out again with Zabimaru. He had gone down to the underground training facility to work off the extra energy. There on the dusty plain, he focused his reiatsu and directed his zanpakuto into some semblance of unity and synchronization. It had to become instinctive, their connection, to restore them to what they once were. _Maybe their restored connection would help him reconnect others.... _The subordinate too, was starting to become desperate, at never being able to recover who he once was...at perhaps having ruined his chances at the best thing he'd ever had...

"Talking to oneself is a sure sign of psychosis, Abarai-san…" needled the witty blonde, as he came strolling up to the restless fukutaicho, "I hope this isn't a sign of you "falling off the wagon", so to speak…" The gray eyes did not fail to take notice of the tensed muscles or the barely restrained irritation.

"Urahara-san…" the redhead turned with a wary greeting, "haven't seen you around the last few weeks, how've you been?"

"Very busy, Abarai-san…" the shop keeper replied elusively. "And you? How are things at the Sixth?"

The lieutenant grimaced. How'd he always know the right (wrong) question to ask? _Don't be paranoid, the guy's just asking a polite question…._

"Uhh…the Sixth Division is running as efficiently as ever…" he replied with a casual shrug, carefully avoiding eye contact.

Sharp eyes pierced through the vague answer. "..and how is Kuchiki taicho? Are you two…getting along?.."

The question was asked casually enough, and the lazy flapping of the fan ruffling the blonde hair would indicate the relaxed nature of the inquiry, but the fukutaicho felt the unmistakable edge of interrogation in these words. _How much did he know?_ The redhead was hesitant to share his last encounter with Kuchiki taicho with anyone.

"We...uh..were getting along well for a while, I guess..." the shinigami began, raising a hand to rub the back of his neck, "and..uh..we kinda hit a snag."

An eyebrow arched into a scraggly hairline, but the thin lips did not utter a sound.

Renji turned to meet the shop owner's gaze... _He knows_... The subordinate sighed, giving up all pretense. "Alriiight...I got transferred to the 13th." he huffed in defeat.

"My, my Abarai," the blonde chuckled reproachfully, "You really have done it this time, eh? For all you've done before…he never once even threatened you with transfer, let alone gone through with it."

"Yeah…well…this time, I think I really said some things that can't be undone..." the former second in command replied quietly, too honest to elude the conversation.

"You're alive, Abarai. Really...for Kuchiki taicho, that's all that matters..."

"You're not listening!" he grumbled.

"It'll take some time, even the captain realizes that...He is the most patient man I know...." the shop owner broke eye contact, and glanced off into the distance, "sometimes even I wonder what it would take for him to lose his...aristocratic control..."

A frustrated growl rumbled through the redhead's throat, it seemed like once he started talking about it, he needed to confess the depths of his sin to someone, _anyone_, "I told him...." he started haltingly, still almost unable to repeat those words, "...that I could _learn _to love him...."

Both eyebrows arched off the tenchou's face. "Oh. Shit."

"Yeah, I don't think...that went over well...." he started to get agitated again.

The blonde shook his head, "Abarai...of all the things to say...."

"I know!" the redhead yelled, frustrated at himself...Kuchiki taicho..._everyone_ who didn't tell him ahead of time... "No...I don't know! All I know is I said something that flipped him out." The fukutaicho sighed, "It's like I betrayed him or somethin'..." he finished quietly.

He sat heavily on a nearby rock, head bowed. One hand came up to rub his forehead, trying to rub away the tension he could feel start to build inside. "I hate this... I know I'm not this person, I'm not weak. I'm not moody or brooding...but its all I find myself doing. Look…I just don't want to hurt him anymore…" The redhead is now lost in his own thoughts, "Sometimes..." he says so quietly the shop keeper leans forward to catch all the words, "sometimes...I wish Kuchiki taicho hadn't found me at all."

Urahara stared at the frustrated soldier, internally debating something for a few moments.

"Come, Abarai…" he says, to distract the man sitting dejectedly in front of him, "Tessai should have dinner ready by now."

* * *

After dinner, Urahara pulled out a bottle of sake instead of the customary hot tea.

Tessai had stood to clear up and clean the dishes, while the children went for their baths. Renji was just about to retire to his own room, when Urahara brought out the second bowl and slid it across the table toward him.

"Have a drink with me, Abarai."

"Sure." The redhead graced him with a weary smile, "Thanks."

A few cups later found the tattooed shinigami a little more relaxed, and in a slightly less gloomy mood.

"So..." the shop owner began, "...you want to escape Soul Society?"

The still mostly sober subordinate gave him a sharp look. "You can do that?"

The crafty shoten owner gave him an arrogant and smug smile, "Oh, Abarai...you'd be amazed at what I can accomplish. I can have you in a truly untraceable gigai, and no one would be able to find you...if you wanted it that way," the blonde said, as he knocked back the remaining sake in his bowl.

Renji looked at him guardedly. Alarms went off in his head, warnings of what Rukia had said to him echoed in his mind;…_he never does anything charitable… always something in it for him_….the shop owner was not looking at him, refilling his sake bowl again… _he's a genius…a dangerous, devious, indispensable and yet sometimes…helpful genius… look for the truth in his eyes, Renji, not in what he says...._

"Or...I have another option." the tenchou slowly got up, and motioned for the lieutenant to follow him.

They walked down the hallway to a door he had not ever noticed before. Urahara put his eye up to a tiny window at the exact height to match his optic nerve, and at the same time he pressed his middle finger to a scanner on the door; identical red lasers measured both identifiers simultaneously, and a soft hiss was the only indication a lock had been opened.

The ex-captain led the way into the dark room. Renji had a moment of vertigo, as the steel door closed behind him and for a second, there was an overwhelming sense of _nothing._ It was pitch black, he could see nothing, hear nothing, not even his own breath echoing into the darkness…it was if he were in a vacuum.

Then he heard the most unnerving chuckle, "..oops, sorry about that Abarai." A click echoed off a far wall, and the redhead blinked at the sudden bright lights flooding his vision and what he saw in front of him. He was in what could only be described as a mad-scientist's laboratory-- giant computer electronics and monitors covered the walls and table tops; strange colorful glass vials of liquids lined glass cabinets; a large and well stocked bookshelf and an enormous desk took up as much as one quarter of the entire room. Except for wood flooring surrounding the desk, the rest of the area was covered in white tile…and in the middle of the room, there was a _drain_. The room itself was at least as large as the entire shoten. _This must be one of those crazy spaces…like the underground training area…_

Urahara walked towards the back of the lab. Two gurneys side by side were set up in front of a bank of computer monitors, each appeared to have something, or rather someone, lying upon it, covered with a white sheet.

Trepidation crawled up Renji's spine, as he neared the tables.

"Now don't freak out on me, okay Abarai? I want to show you something." the shop owner picked up one corner of the sheet, and in dramatic fashion, unveiled what was hidden beneath.

"What?!...." gasped Renji, he thought his eyes were going to bug out if it's sockets. Lying on the gurneys in front of him were two cadavers. Red headed cadavers....with tattoos...and an all too familiar face. He walked up to them, reaching out with his hand to poke at one in the cheek. "...the hell?!..." One had a full head of hair tied up in a tight pony tail, the other looked to be the one he had just left behind a few months ago.

"These are your gigai, Abarai. I was able to find your old one in one of my storerooms. Fortunately we researchers never really throw anything away...you can never be sure what you'll need when you need it. Obviously the one on the left is your recent gigai. Since you spent a year in it, it was quite easy to pull the residue out of it...the old one though, didn't really have a whole bunch in there."

"Residue?"

"I'll show you instead..." The researcher pulled out two sets of electrodes from a metal drawer, and proceeded to attach them to various points around the head of each gigai. Each set was then plugged into a monitor to his left. Then he flipped a switch. A bright halo of light projected itself from each monitor. The one from the "old" gigai was vibrant and red, it shimmered and undulated in it's circumference. The light ring projected out of the "new" gigai was also red, not as vibrant, and undulated in almost synchronization.

"What is it?" he asked, perplexed at the electomagnetic show in front of him.

"These are projections or interpretations of your reiatsu, Abarai." the genius researcher explained, "I was able to extract the remaining traces of reiatsu left behind in the gigai -- residue, if you will, and extrapolate it into a three dimensional electrical aura."

"This is what the original reiatsu ring from your recent gigai used to look like." Urahara typed into the keyboard in lightening quick taps, and the aura moved and changed. The projection off the "new" gigai was now yellow, bleeding into orange in places, and not as vibrant as before.

Renji looked at him questioningly.

"I read through that medical file you left for me. It was very interesting to say the least. Apparently in the year you spent at the psychiatric institution, your doctors tried many ways to relieve you of your condition. In their quest to treat your psychosis, in addition to all the medications they gave you, they also instituted a rather crude and primitive therapy too commonly used in humans these days. It's called ECT, electroconvulsive therapy. Simply put, different frequencies of electricity are sent through the brain to realign the neuronal synapses, and change brain patterns."

"They fried my brain?!" the lieutenant asked incredulously.

"Well...hopefully, no." the tenchou chuckled, "but being that you were unaware of who and what you actually were, and the trauma that your brain had already accumulated, this final insult did end up changing your reiatsu into the one you have now. Your conciousness had no reason to fight the change, so it allowed itself to become something else. Had you had your wits about you, being a shinigami and everything else, I'm sure we wouldn't have had this kind of outcome."

"So what are you saying?"

"As you can see," the blonde gestured to the twin gigai, "I used the residual reiatsu of your old gigai as a control... the one I would pattern the new one to, and attempted to convert the "new" one to the "old" one. I got pretty close, too." Urahara punched more buttons into the keypad, and the reiatsu changed back into the red ring in almost exactness of the original.

"Are you saying you can turn me back to the person I was?" The excitement in the fukutaicho's voice was unmistakable.

"Perhaps...." Urahara answered, "but I do need to tell you that it took well over 30 attempts at sending through the electrical stimulus to get this kind of similarity between the two. I don't think any shinigami could actually stand that kind of treatment...we would have to do some things differently so that you'd survive the outcome…and you would have to be awake for it. I won't be able to put you under to spare you the pain or discomfort, because I'll need you to tell me if you are remembering anything...if I'm on the right track. This is still experimental, I can't promise you anything."

"Why didn't I know any of this?" Renji couldn't remember any of this, _was it true? Was he being manipulated again?_

"ECT causes retrograde amnesia, a state of mind that allows itself to forget trauma or unpleasant conditions. In addition to all the drugs they gave you.... it's really quite remarkable that you were found, and that you were as cognizant as you were. It really begs the question, what was it that you were trying to hold on to?"

_What indeed._

"Why would you do this for me, Urahara?"

"Why?" Urahara's eyes gleamed with an almost ecstatic glee, "Easy...because you could say it's been well over a century since I've had a live, willing, shinigami soul to experiment with... not only that, but this has some element of reiatsu manipulation thrown in. It's really kinda like a wet dream of mine, Abarai."

Renji wouldn't have been surprised if the mad scientist started rubbing his hands together maniacally at this point... "Nice..." came his sarcastic reply. "Now, you think I'm gonna let you touch me with an attitude like that?"

"Of course..." the manipulative tenchou shot back, "you have a life you want to go back to, don't you?"

The owner slyly looked over at the way too honest fukutaicho; observed the emotions play out on his face...the almost child-like eagerness of finally getting something that you've desperately been searching for... fighting against the knowledge of putting your soul into the hands of man who has point-blank told you, that his reasons are for his own, and not to your benefit. The former Gotei captain finally took pity on the lost shinigami and dropped all his posturing.

"I do this because I owe the Kuchiki a debt." the blonde began softly, "and if I can repay it in some small way by helping you, Abarai...then I will."

Urahara seemed hesitant to continue, but did so anyway, "While you were away, Kuchiki taicho and I became...reacquainted...and no, not in _that_ way..." Urahara gave the redhead a steely gaze, in response to the suspicious look Abarai sent his way. "I came to understand you were..._important_...to him... And since you have been forthright with me, I will return the favor. I can say that at one time in my life, I probably would've wanted to be the one he thought about in that way. But…fate has a way of imparting its own plans for us in subtle ways…"

The shop owner's words were now straightforward, "I want him to be happy. He's owed it. I also want the old Abarai back. You, no offense, are a poor substitute...Abarai's soul must be cursing and breaking things where ever it is right now," he ended, with a sardonic grin.

Renji stared hard at the anomaly before him. A genius, and a liar. A schemer, a manipulator ...and yet, when it came down to it, trustworthy enough that the Gotei still ran to him for their most important problems. _What the hell should I do?_

"Trust me, Abarai." gray eyes that were unshaded and unguarded looked into his own.

After a long minute of searching the pale gray, "Okay, Urahara. I will," he agreed with a single nod of his head.

* * *

"Since your Karakura assignment is over after today, I'll send a hell butterfly to Ukitake taicho asking him for a few weeks of your time, Abarai." The ex-captain began, "As I'm sure he'll have no problem with you here, we might as well get started."

Lying on the gurney in place of the gigai, Renji couldn't deny he was a little nervous. Okay...way nervous. _Nothing like having a crazy, perverted, eccentric scientist to slap some electrodes on your head, and send through enough juice to power a small home_. The redhead thought about changing his mind when the shoten owner buckled the restraints over his ankles, wrists, chest, and another over his forehead. He really started to panic when the blonde shoved a towel wrapped around a stick into his mouth.

"That's to prevent you from biting off your own tongue."

Red eyes widened as Urahara rolled over a tray filled with glass vials, large syringes and needles.

"Rwwr myh hhrrr?!" he worried around the towel.

"Sorry Abarai, I don't speak "muffled cotton" too fluently," the researcher teased.

The eyes glared back at him... _if looks could kill_...

"Try not to be so serious..." the blonde cooed, "it'll be to your benefit. Now," he continued, all business, "I'm going to inject you with muscle relaxants, to prevent your muscles from contracting too much and snapping your bones while we do the treatments. I'm also going to give you just a little bit of benzodiazepines-- its an antianxiety drug, to help loosen your mind and get those memories flowing."

Urahara was enjoying this way too much, the subordinate thought, and yet…he seemed to be in his element. There was a confidence radiating off the tenchou-- his hands did not falter, his eyes were alert and burned with intensity. There was an unmistakable aura of invincibility.

The redhead was sure his heart would give out on him, it was pumping so hard. He started to pant around the towel in his mouth. Nervousness oozed out of every pore. He didn't even feel the needle breaking past the skin of his inner elbow, finding its path into his vein.

"Relax, Abarai."

The sound of his own scream was the last thing he heard…then his world went white.


	12. Chapter 12

This chapter may be a little difficult to follow. All parts starting with a voltage number are Renji's memories, the parts that don't have a number proceeding it are in present time of the characters. Yeah, I know...I was trying to find a way to write it without the confusion, but the confusion is supposed to be part of it...eh? Sorry it if makes you read it more than once...  
Thanks once again for everyone following the story, I really appreciate all the feedback.

* * *

**Chapter 12**

He awoke, completely confused...not knowing where he was, or what had happened. His jaw ached. His arms and legs were on fire; as he raised one wrist into his line of vision, he saw bruises encircling its circumference. And his head...wow...there was nothing that could describe the pain in his head. He tried to sit up, and all he got for his trouble was a sea of black, explosions of purple and green swirling before his eyes, and a wave of nausea.

He groaned, wanting to return into that desirous oblivion he was in previously.

"Abarai-kun," a soothing voice crooned, bringing him back from the darkness. "You've done well, Abarai-kun."

Bleary, pain filled eyes opened again, to find the tenchou sitting beside him this time, reading the medical file.

"I've discovered a pattern to the treatments they gave you. I will do it to you again, this time in reverse order, to see if that reverts your reiatsu pattern into your former aura." The gray eyes fixed his in triumph, "We're on our way, Abarai."

The redhead wanted to tell this man to stop buzzing...to stop swaying. Too bad the man kept talking. He had no idea what the guy was telling him, but he seemed happy about it, so he let him go on. When the buzzing stopped, he nodded tiredly in acceptance. _Whatever._

* * *

_~100 volts_

"Ban Kai!" he felt himself shout. He felt the power surge, the euphoria that follows.

How long had he been fighting? Days? Weeks? Months?

What the hell was he fighting for?

He was fighting his way back home.

* * *

_~80 volts_

He woke up to a soft blurry world. The only sounds he heard were a strange melody of bleeps, boops, and blips. He tried to move, but couldn't. Someone must have been watching over him, because what seemed like only an instant later, he could sense the presence of other people moving toward him.

"Hello. You've been in away for awhile." A distant floating voice sounded in his ears.

He tried to move his lips, tried to speak, but there was something in his mouth, down his throat, that prevented him from uttering a single sound.

"Don't try to speak...we have a breathing tube down your throat. Now that you're back with us, we'll start weaning you off the machines. Don't worry, we're here to take care of you."

He was so tired. He closed his eyes.

* * *

_~100 volts_

The message was sent by Isane fukutaicho.

_To all members of the Gotei 13: all four pillars have fallen. Karakura town is returning to the real world. By order of the Soutaicho, you are ordered to prevent the overt loss of human life, but in no means spare the lives of the traitors and the enemy. It is a difficult line to determine, do so at your own discretion. The Gotei must not fail._

"What the fuck kind of message is that?" the lieutenant grumbled to himself.

The hollows, the arrancar, the fraccion...they kept coming in waves. The one he had just defeated was still dissipating into the atmosphere; and he took the split second to search for his captain's reiatsu...and in quick relief, found it strong and steady. The captains were battling the vasto lorde and the traitors, the lieutenants were assigned to keep the lower forms at bay.

He was about to move towards his division leader; when another rip in the sky opened to reveal the next flood of Las Noches' inhabitants. They flew rapidly toward him.

"You've gotta be shittin' me... how many of you did that asshole create?" disgust and fatigue hammered at the fukutaicho. He looked at his competition..._Fuck._

* * *

The electroshock treatments were coming along very well; the former twelfth division captain noted in his research database.

- 1.5 seconds of 80volt, 1.2 seconds of 100volt electricity to the bilateral temporal lobes of shinigami subject  
- Resulted in the onset of myoclonic seizure lasting approximately four to seven minutes.  
- Subject falls into unconsciousness, wakes approximately thirty minutes post treatment.  
- Must be reoriented to time and place.  
- Use of benzodiazepines to augment memory recovery results in positive outcome

Urahara turned on the monitor attached to the electrodes on Abarai's head. The electronic interpretation of the fukutaicho's reiatsu blazed into focus. _We're close._

After each treatment and subsequent recovery, usually over that evening's meal, the researcher and the lieutenant discuss the results of each session. Urahara details the finer points on their proximity to the original reiatsu signature they hope to reach, while Abarai shares the particulars of new memories he has recovered.

The mood is forced with lightheartedness at their growing success with each treatment. Both men realize however, that the goal is still somewhat abstract, and the underlying danger to one of them leaves the air heavy, regardless.

There is also the added detriment that each treatment leaves Abarai feeling just a little bit weaker than the last, both physically and mentally. Enough so that the tenchou tries to convince the subordinate to wait longer between treatments... but the redhead refuses.

"Hell, no...Urahara-san. We got a plan, we're stickin' to it."

The last two sessions would be complicated, if not outright risky. The voltage was much higher, 225 volts.

_

* * *

_

_~225volts_

He was standing on the deck over looking a part of the secluded garden his captain enjoyed greatly. At this spot, the sun rising over the horizon was majestic. It broke over the distant rolling hills and bathed the sakura trees in soft pink and orange light. The air was crisp and clean, and just the promise of the new day was humbling in its utter vastness.

An arm encircled his waist from behind; a comforting hand lazily rubbed his belly as the warm body attached to it pressed itself against his back.

"Renji…" purred a deep rich baritone.

_Gods…just his voice_… the redhead's eyes closed. "Hmm…Taicho…" he murmured in return, his voice not as steady.

"What is the matter?" a questioning concern entwined the reply.

"Just thinking…." pensively he looked toward the horizon, "...we're just one night in from Hueco Mundo, and today we head into Karakura…."

He turned towards the brunette and looked into the most beautiful eyes he's ever been graced upon. This dawn, they are light gray with a subtle touch of blue. They are open and clear, honest and mesmerizing. He knows he wants to remember these eyes…they are the window to this man's soul…his lover's soul. _His_ life.

He feels the need to say something poignant, because today they will head into the heart of the war. If he doesn't say what he wants to now…will he ever?

"Taicho…" he begins softly; taking hold of one of those graceful hands and places it between both of his, "I want you to know that these years…this time…that I've…we've been together, has been the best thing…the best years…of my life."

He takes a deep breath, and haltingly he continues, "I just want you to know…that if…that if I don't make it to the end of the war…I want you to…well, I don't want you to…"

Two perfectly slender fingers silence his rambling by pressing themselves against his lips. He is hard pressed not to push out against them in a pout…or pull them into his mouth.

"Renji," that solemn timbre echoes in his mind, "today, we will leave Soul Society together...and when this is over, we will return together."

The fingers move down to trace past his chin, down his neck, and halts at its destination, to press a hand against his chest…over his heart. He breaks eye contact to glance down at it and inhales sharply. There was an incandescent white glow emanating from that hand into his chest, it warmed his skin, his blood...his soul. He can feel, through his lover's reiatsu, the beat of that man's heart, in synchrony with his own.

"You and I are joined here…and as long as I know this beats…I will wait for you, should I return before you do. I will come and find you, should you lose your way home."

Those eyes…they have darkened and contain something he cannot name…he has never seen this look directed at him, by anyone, ever before…

"I am your home, Renji."

For a suspended moment, he is lost. His heart aches painfully...and for the first time in his life he feels fear...real fear...because now he _must _live.

He had been prepared to declare his heart to this man, to praise him and extol the many blessings he felt needed to be said before it was too late. But it all got caught up and stuck, a lump in his throat , and all he could do now, was stand there, in awe of this wonderful creature...his soulmate.

He crushed his lips against the man in front of him. A passionate, desperate kiss…

* * *

Blonde brows furrowed together in concern. A series of abnormal spikes saturate the scanner monitoring the lieutenant's cardiovascular response to the electric shocks he's been sending into the redhead's brain.

This time, however, the heart monitor shows an erratic irregular heartbeat that does not self-correct…_dammit…is he going into arrhythmia?!..._

"Abarai!…Abarai!…" he starts to shout at the unconscious shinigami lying on the table, "Stay with me Abarai…."

The ghostly green light on the monitor starts to waver…then the line abruptly goes flat. The monitor starts its unearthly dull squeal.

Quickly, the tenchou moves to the tray of syringes he prepared earlier. Deft hands locate the syringe labeled _Epinephrine 1:1000_ and injects its entire contents into the arm of the man lying there.

Nothing.

He grabs another syringe and follows the same procedure.

"Tessai!" he yells into the intercom on the wall. "I need your help, Tessai!"

Determined eyes stare down at the body on the gurney, "Come on Abarai!"

A further series of injections of different drugs do nothing else to help reverse the current flat line continually working its way across the monitor. The sixth spent plastic syringe joins its companions on the tile floor, thrown there in the haste of the moment.

In a desperate move, Urahara climbs up on the bed, straddling the redhead. Putting both hands together, one over the other, he places it over the other man's heart. He rhythmically pushes his own reiatsu into the chest, to realign the irregular heartbeat…no…_to restart the heart_….After what seems like way too long… the screaming of the monitor stops…he pauses, and jerks his head around to look over to black screen. Abarai's heartbeat is once again in normal sinus rhythm.

The former captain lays his sweaty forehead down over his hands, still on the chest of the unconscious shinigami, a loud sigh of relief escapes his parted lips.

"You almost had me there, Abarai," he whispers.

"Tenchou?" his housekeeper has finally arrived, a little apprehensive to the scene laid out in front of him.

"Hmm?" the blonde responds, casually, lifting his head, "Oh... just checking to make sure Abarai's electrodes weren't too loose or anything," he says lightly , as he replaces the electrodes that have fallen off the redhead's chest.

The voice is smooth and his face is calm, but Tessai can see the underlying disquiet in the shop owner's compact movements, in the strained creases surrounding the slightly downward turned mouth.

"I think our lieutenant has had enough for today," Urahara climbs down from the gurney, "Would you mind taking him in his room please, Tessai. I think…I am in need of some liquid refreshment."

* * *

The sixth division captain walked along the taisha barracks to get to his weekly captain's meeting. The reiatsu surrounding him was heavy and imposing. It prevented anyone from greeting him, most simply scrambled to get out of his way.

As he turned the next corner, he felt a flutter in his chest. It almost made him falter in his normal walking cadence. Concerned, he turned to look out toward… the seinkeimon gate. He reached out with his reiatsu toward the gate…knowing he could not sense anything past it, yet wanting…needing…to discover what had caused him to feel… _uneasy_.

He turned to grip the railing with both hands, his face indecipherable to anyone walking past him, but his mind a jumble of thoughts, trying to interpret this..._feeling_. He gasped, unable to hold it back, as a wave of cold washed over him… _Renji_… He closed his eyes and concentrated on that red shinigami thread, searching for it, unable to pin it down…knowing he could not from this side of the gate, yet attempting it anyway. After a few minutes, just as suddenly as it came upon him, the unease lifted…without leaving him feeling bereft... _h__e is alive... _

Pulling his reiatsu back in, the brunette turned and continued on toward his meeting.

_

* * *

_

_~100 volts_

"Can you tell me your name?"

He gazed at the man standing next to his bed; the electronic hospital bed had been adjusted to prop him up in a sitting position. He opened his mouth to comply... then furrowed his brow when he realized... _what is my name?_

"Do you know where you are?"

He looked quizically into the kind face of the man asking him these questions. On his chest, over his white coat pocket, he read _Dr. Sha_. His gaze took on greater consternation as he shook his head. _No._

A warm hand placed itself on his shoulder, a comforting touch to offset the accompanying disturbing question, "Do you remember anything?"

Wide, alarmed eyes broke contact, he looked down at his bandaged chest, at the plastic tubes stuck into his hands and taped onto his skin...slowly he reached up to feel the bandage wrapped around his head... Panicked, he searched his mind...and came up..._blank._

He stared into the doctor's face, his blood going cold in shock...

"No," he croaked.

* * *

_~100 volts_

How long had he been doing this?!

He was down on one knee. There was blood blinding him in one eye, sweat stinging his other one... but he saw the opening. _These fuckers were straight up brawlers_...they had no plan of attack, no strategy to use their numbers in collaboration against him... _good..__.let's get this over with. _

He was about to unleash Zabimaru into the killing blow, when the kid caught his eye.

One of the realities of war, is that when it is prolonged, unpredictable things start to happen.

After Karakura returned to the real realm, the shinigami began to notice that children with inherently high reiatsu were prematurely awakening from their unnaturally imposed sleep. Most simply hid themselves away until the nightmare (hopefully) ended, while others desperately tried to wake their parents. This little girl was one of them.

Rather, she wasn't just awake, she was screaming. She was barely holding onto the railing of the second floor apartment where she lived. The rest of her family seemed dead asleep, the roar of battle and the wailing of the enemy did not even rouse a blink on the faces of the slumbering members. One wall of the apartment complex had been ripped away. The three remaining walls were left to hold up the concrete structure.

Just that one second of distraction was all that was needed for the enemy to make it's move. They did all move together, this time, and although he was able to deflect the first and second blow, the third caught him off kilter. He felt himself flying through the air...then crashing through the roof of a small building. Shaking his head to clear the buzzing sound within, he looked around and realized he was buried in the rubble of the Urahara shoten.

Unused gigai lay around him. He heard the child scream again, the shrill cry a few octaves higher than the previous one. Without thought, he hurriedly jumped into one of the spare bodies and ran towards the little girl. There were now two hollows moving toward her, no doubt able to smell her spiritual pressure.

He moved faster...sprinted over to her, before the hollows got there. "Let go!" he heard himself yell, "I'll catch you!"

Frightened wide blue eyes stared at him, glanced back at the oncoming hollows, and then let go of the railing.

He caught her easily, she was so tiny...

He looked into her watery blue eyes, overflowing with tears... he smiled at her reassuringly... "You're safe now..."

Two thin arms wrapped themselves tightly around his neck as she pushed her chin onto his shoulder to hug her savior...then blue eyes widened in fright to something hidden behind him.

Then his world went dark.

* * *

"I can't do it, Abarai."

"Don't give me that shit, Urahara. We're 99% there!"

"Then you need to be satisfied with that. Another treatment can leave you dead. It was _close_, Abarai."

"We _are _close, Urahara. That's the point! Bankai...the last years of my life... its knocking at my door!"

"You can find your way into bankai again in no time on your own without the treatment, Abarai."

The fukutaicho ran a frustrated hand through his hair. The shoten owner was right, he could learn the rest on his own...but the last few years were the most unreliable in his memory. He had everything else back; his days with Rukia in Inuzuri, the academy, the ryoka invasion and Aizen's betrayal. The only obstacles left for some reason was bankai...and Byakuya. _Should he risk his life just for the sake of memories?_

"And Kuchiki taicho?...Urahara... please. I _need_ to remember it all." Then the enigmatic redhead smirked, of all things, "Promise I won't die on ya."

Gray eyes bore into crimson eyes flashing with indignation, burning with conviction, shining with the absolute belief in its own master as well as the man standing in front of him.

"You are the real Abarai," the blonde snorted, "glad to have you back. Let's go."

* * *

The lone shinigami returning this night to Soul Society did so silently and without fanfare. He had a destination to get to... and quickly scouting to identify the one he was seeking, slipped into soundless shunpo.

He touched down into the private garden.

There under the sakura tree, in deep meditation, was the one he sought.

The caress in his voice was unmistakable.

_"Taicho."_


	13. Chapter 13

* * *

**Chapter 13**

The Sixth Division Captain pulled himself out of meditation early this night; the day had been tedious, his mood as dark as the starless night itself. The Kuchiki heir would pamper himself this night with a hot bath and a soft bed, all this self regulation and mental discipline eventually wound down even the noble. Perhaps tonight, an exhausted sleep would spare him the dreams of vivid red.

He felt the reiatsu touch down in his garden. He braced himself, already identifying the shinigami attached to the aura. He didn't want to do this tonight; he was too mentally exhausted not to lash out in irritation or anger. While pulling himself into consciousness, he heard his lieutenant addressing him...there was something in that voice that made the tiny hair at the nape of his neck stand up...an awareness...

_"Taicho."_

"Abarai fukutaicho, you were ordered not to report to me." His voice devoid of emotion, icy…"Why are you here?"

Warmth and _recognition _radiated out of claret colored eyes, a wide exultant grin broke out across his features. He could see that for a suspended second, his taicho understood it too. He had seen surprise and acknowledgement in the platinum irises; but then that had been shuttered, sealed away from him, behind hooded eyes.

Renji allowed himself a moment to truly bask in the pleasure of being in his captain's company again…that they were here together, after all this time… A wonderful feeling of completion...of belonging...of warmth... filled his heart. Ironic perhaps, thinking that this was what Byakuya must have felt like when _he _had been found at the kendo club…when he had not recognized his captain. Guilt at that memory washed through him, but he pushed it aside to deal with the problem at hand.

It dawned on him immediately, that he was in for a battle.

His memories had come back to him with blinding clarity, everything that had transpired before the war, after the war. He distinctly remembered, especially, his last parting encounter with his division leader.

He realized too, that his captain would fight him, for his place back into the rigid noble's life. His taicho had used these two months that he had been in Karakura to build a shield around himself; to shelter his battered pride against further injury...and with everything the perfecting Kuchiki did, it looked like he had done an excellent job.

The fukutaicho slowly walked up to his captain, who had by now stood and raised himself to full height. He was the slighter man, yet his presence was intimidating, all encompassing. The kenseikan gleamed in the moonlight, the heirloom scarf fluttered without breeze, being buffeted purely by reiatsu alone. _He is so beautiful_...Renji had never used that word so...truthfully, until he looked upon his captain. Regal. Untouchable.

He saw his reflection mirrored in the eyes of his taicho, and for a moment he was back in the past, to his first days in the division. His captain was looking at him once again, without truly seeing him.

He started talking as he drew closer, "Taicho, I came to tell you I got my memories back. Urahara and I-"

"I am not interested in your personal life, fukutaicho." his captain interrupted, cutting him off as he turned and walked away from the lieutenant, "You do not belong to my division any longer. You must leave." The clipped and authoritative tone allowed no disagreement, and by pure habit, Renji found himself just about turning to leave...when he caught himself...and snorted.

"You almost had me there, Taicho." he replied. A dry challenging growl followed, "You're gonna do it like this, huh?"

His captain glared at him in response, not bothering to reply.

A part of Renji's mind could understand this change, emblematic of his captain to distance and protect himself like this… the other half of his brain was sputtering in outrage-- they should have been past this already! He steeled himself; knowing this was the unyielding noble fighting what could be so easy to give into, to allow everything to fall away and allow them to just _be_.

_It would be too easy that way, eh taicho?_

"Fukutaicho, you have been transferred to the Thirteenth division. Unless you have official business that needs attention...you will report to your new captain." Byakuya's voice was impersonal, almost dismissive.

The lieutenant grit his teeth in frustration…he had a quick _scathing_ retort on the tip of his tongue about what of his _needed attention_, but he wasn't going to let the noble goad him into a fight…that's not what he was here for.

"You damn well know why I 'm here, Taicho. You can feel me, can't you? You know who I am." Renji growled, as he unleashed a wave of high energy reiatsu intended to curl around his captain. The vibrant crimson wave rolled its way across the pristine garden. He was surprised when the spiritual energy was blocked less than five feet away from its targeted destination… it had hit a solid wall of incandescent white reiatsu. Seemed like his captain wasn't even going to allow his reiatsu near him.

"Why are you doing this, Byakuya?" this time pain and a little bit of hurt seeped into his words, much to the lieutenant's chagrin.

The use of his given name had brought the argument down to a personal level. This wasn't just a subordinate questioning his leader's orders. This was his lover, talking…_arguing_... with his mate.

"Dammit…would you just look at me?" his voice was gruff, almost pleading this time, "Byakuya...I know what every inch of your skin tastes like, I've had you inside my body, inside my mouth…I've shared every pleasure...everything I _am_ with you."

"Does it kill you, your pride, to know I could've caused you some pain too?"

He could see the cold captain flinch as his words got more provocative, as they got too close to the truth. His reflection in the silvery eyes wavered, but did not break.

Byakuya felt his insides start to tremble; he was mentally and emotionally exhausted, and it was too much. Why didn't the obstinate man just leave? Abarai Renji was a force to be reckoned with. On the rare occasion he would question his taicho or express a difference of opinion concerning division matters, he did so passionately and with conviction...and in those rare occasions that his taicho would even then deem it necessary to explain himself to his subordinate, the man listened, analyzed, usually concurred and always followed the orders as given.

In their private affairs, however, Abarai pushed back even more. Here, he was an even partner, and was determined not to allow the hyper controlling noble immunity from personal exploration of who _they _were together...away from the rigid structure of the Gotei 13. It was just like him, to boldly speak his mind like this, no matter if the choice of words were as inflammatory as these were.

In this, Byakuya had to admit, the redhead did understand exactly who he was. The inflexible noble had to be pushed hard to move past the barriers that instinctively rose to guard his thoughts and emotions from others…especially if those others were people who could actually do him harm.

Yes, it was pride that mandated he refuse to accept conditional love. Byakuya had understood the impostor that had lived in his lover's body was not trying to deliberately harm him; but it did not make it easier to accept or forgive the words that echoed out of those lips that had brought him to his knees. To be tortured by those words from a man that had reached out to him, that had returned his affections, that had wanted to be with him just as much as the noble wanted in return... To hear _those words_ come out of _that mouth _was a betrayal surpassing anything he had ever felt before.

And it wasn't only pride that made him want to keep Renji away this time. It was the fact that he had found himself so... _empty_...without his extroverted second in command. For centuries, Byakuya's world had been colored in black and white; the ryoka invasion had added shades of gray-- Renji had added Technicolor to the palette. Everything became vivid...alive... The stoic captain found himself appreciating things more... his food tasted better, the blossoms in his garden smelled sweeter...his skin burned at his lover's touch, _he _felt alive.

But when he lost Renji's reiatsu in the war, and wasn't able to recover it...lost Renji...he just about curled up and surrendered his being. Food tasted of ash, he could no longer appreciate the beauty of his treasured garden...and his skin...it felt so _cold_, as untouched as it was. Only his responsibilities to the Clan and the Gotei kept him sane, kept him alive, if that's what it could've been called. He was able to find solace only in the mind numbing routine of duty.

Oh, Renji had caused him more than pain or loss of pride. He had taken away his will to live. It was as if he had been...heart...broken. It had shocked him, that he could be so vulnerable to this kind of... _unnoble immaturity_... He was _so_ unprepared for it.

"I cannot do this again," the Kuchiki heir admitted quietly, voice traced with sorrow. "I am sorry, Renji."

The anguished noble turned, and began to walk away from the younger shinigami, putting more distance between them. If Renji didn't know any better, he'd have thought the man was running away.

It was dark, and the redhead could see that Byakuya was headed for his chambers. The servants had lit a few of the lamps in his rooms, and they cast a warm yellow glow through the delicate designs in the rice paper door, guiding his way there.

_I just need to touch him._

Byakuya was walking blindly, towards the light. He needed to go. Leave. The pain in his chest was too raw. He didn't realize Renji had flash stepped until he ran right into him.

_Gotcha taicho._

Large strong hands grabbed him by the shoulders, stopping him mid-stride. Surprised, he looked up, a little wild eyed, into the burning ruby orbs of his fukutaicho...his lover...his Renji. He saw recognition, remorse...love. The conflicted noble's brows furrowed. _He couldn't do this again. He almost lost himself for good this time._

"Byakuya." the lieutenant's voice was so tender, he shuddered at the sound resonating in his ears in tandem with the strong grip to his shoulders.

Renji leaned down to meet the noble's gaze, one hand came up to softly cradle his cheek in his hand, the thumb lightly brushing the delicate arch under his eye...brushing away the imagined tear. The redhead spoke in a gentle voice full of sincerity and remorse, "I'm sorry Byakuya...I'm sorry for leaving you alone...I'm sorry for not knowing who you were when you found me...I'm sorry for pushing you away, and hurting you with words I should never have said.... but most of all, I'm sorry for not finding my own way home." His voice cracked a bit and he took a deep breath, "You are my home, Byakuya." He blinked rapidly to clear the burn from his eyes, and smiled softly like an idiot.

Renji saw the optical mirror crack and fall away. Within those beautiful eyes he saw pain, loneliness, fear... it clenched at his heart to know that he was the cause of it all... that he had reduced this incredibly proud, innately strong man to this. His captain was the epitome of strength, in every facet... yet Renji realized that he had never seen this emotional side, the fragile side. His captain had never allowed him to see it. He felt strangely happy to know there was more to Byakuya than what he already knew...that they had much more to discover about each other.

_An apology..._

Gelid hands moved up to cradle the lieutenant's head, almost in trepidation..almost in fear of touching him again; Renji leaned into the touch, grateful for it. Lithe fingers twirled around vermillion locks that had escaped the hair tie.

"Your hair is longer again." his captain stated the obvious, voice thick with emotion.

"Yeah, just a few more months and it'll be as long as it used to be..." he murmured. The fukutaicho just went along with the conversation, not wanting to break the spell of actually having the noble touching him.

"I...missed you, Renji."

"I'm here now, Byakuya." came the strong, assured reply, "I won't let you leave me. I won't let you give up on us. We've both fought too hard to get where we are tonight to just let this go."

Byakuya looked up into a fiercely determined face-- his eyes were sharp and clear, spiritual tattoos bold, mouth set in a straight line. His fukutaicho had developed an even stronger core of strength..._trial by fire_. The noble had rarely come across anyone so charismatic as his lieutenant; the younger shinigami was steadily becoming a solid leader, able to persuade even a recalcitrant noble.

He felt his own faith return, his own confidence and self assuredness of their future emboldened by his fukutaicho's staunch resolve. A fleeting memory of his lieutenant once telling him _"you can't win if you don't play, taicho..."_ fluttered through his mind. He fought the upward tug of his lips. _How true_.

"Then I will not, Renji." the heir committed, raising his lips up to his fukutaicho.

They had not kissed in almost a year and a half. Soft lips latched themselves to a brazen pair almost in apology for even thinking of letting this...them...slip away. The lieutenant picked up on that vibe immediately, and parted his lips for a drink of his captain. A soft groan emerged from the pliant noble's throat as Renji took control. A warm wet tongue entered the noble's mouth to seductively dance with his own, it teased his palate...stroked his cheek...and traced his teeth. It was a tender kiss of greeting, of soft warm touches. Byakuya had to come up for air, but his fukutaicho wasn't letting up just yet. A few more seconds passed and the noble placed his hand against Renji's chest and gave it a little tap with his middle finger.

Renji raised his head in question, as Byakuya inhaled a lungful of fresh air. "Perhaps we should head indoors," the aristocrat suggested, trying to catch his breath through slightly parted lips.

"Sure, taicho." the redhead smiled in response.

* * *

The lovers touched down right outside the door to Byakuya's rooms. As soon as they materialized out of shunpo, the noble found himself spun and pushed up against the the wall. A body crushed up against his and voracious lips descended to capture his mouth. Another breath taking kiss ensued, this one quite demanding. Hands threaded through his hair to hold him in place as the mouth left to nip and kiss along his jawline up to his ear. A playful tongue licked the outer shell and soft lips pulled his lobe into that hot mouth to suckle. The noble felt his knees weaken.

"Fukutaicho...inside the room would...be more appropriate," the brunette struggled for breath.

"Mmmm...right....taicho." came the distracted response, between licks and bites down the alabaster neck.

A blind hand groped to slide open the door, and back in lip lock, the two distracted shinigami tangled their way inside. They awkwardly shuffled over to the bed, and when Renji felt the backs of his knees hit it, he sat down, dragging Byakuya down with him.

The noble straddled the redhead's lap, pushing his chest against the other. He had the better angle now, so he reached up to remove Renji's hair tie, releasing the glorious curtain of hair from its restraints. Running his hands through the soft strands, and scraping his nails against the fukutaicho's scalp, Byakuya elicited a deep rumble of appreciation from his subordinate. Having the upper hand, his tongue began dominating their kiss. It rubbed over and under its counterpart, then started a suggestive thrust against the other muscle that had the redhead moaning deep in his throat.

Byakuya pulled back and stood up, causing a groan of disappointment. He moved quickly to remove the kenseikan, which he placed on his dressing table. The scarf was unwound and hung in the wardrobe along with the haori. Renji had leaned over to dig into the bedside table and looked questioningly at his lover when he came up empty.

His captain gave him a solemn answer, "I have no need for it."

With that, Byakuya turned and went to the bathroom. He returned a minute later with a washcloth and a small bottle of oil, which he placed on the nightstand.

"Had me worried for a minute there, taicho." the redhead joked, standing up to embrace the brunette.

A small smile graced the porcelain face, "I am always prepared, fukutaicho..." He leaned up for another kiss, as nimble fingers began undressing the brawny shinigami. His lieutenant had filled out again, the captain noticed, no longer skinny and underfed looking. It was a relief to him, that his fukutaicho had returned to his former self...tough muscle under tanned skin. He had been too malnourished when Byakuya found him, and too strung out on pills.

Reverently, Byakuya pressed his lips to the tattoos covering his lover's chest as he peeled the shihakusho off one shoulder, and then the other. He kissed them up and down, then used his tongue to trace their pattern. Over the collar bone to the shoulders, down the biceps, around to the back. He felt the lieutenant's breathing kick up a notch, his fists clenched, but he let his taicho have his way. As Byakuya licked at the feline stripes on the muscular back, he wrapped his arms around Renji with his hands resting on his shoulders. Slowly he pressed up against him, and using his hips, rubbed his already stiff arousal in a sensual up and down glide against Renji's firm backside. A gutteral moan was wrenched out of the redhead.

Byakuya lowered his arms to Renji's waist to untie the belt holding his hakama up. A few more pieces of material removed, and Abarai Renji was there to behold in all his naked glory. In the golden lamplight and with shadows playing across his muscular build; the noble felt his own pulse escalate at the sight of his lover. The man was gorgeous. A greek Adonis. Kami-sama walking out of the soft mists of heaven.

"Byakuya," his fukutaicho whispered huskily, "you've got too many clothes on...."

The noble was grabbed around the waist, and pulled in front of the redhead. Renji did his own thrust and grind into his captain, rubbing their arousals together. The friction elicited a sharp gasp from one and a low growl from the other. Eager hands divested Byakuya of his material belongings, and in a matter of seconds, both men were rubbing skin against glorious skin.

They made their way onto the bed, Byakuya rolling atop the redhead. He paused for a moment, again, in awe of not only where he was...but _who _he was with. With a light touch, he used two slender fingers to trace the spiritual tattoos on his lover's face...caressed his high cheekbones...and when he brought them down to stroke the soft lips...they were sucked into the hot wicked mouth of his fukutaicho.

He gasped as a slick tongue twirled around his digits, sucking them in deeper. The soft muscle parted the fingers, then slid up between them to tease the sensitive webbing joining them together on his hand. A low growl of approval tumbled out of the noble's throat.

"You have my attention, fukutaicho." he said in a throaty whisper, pulling the digits out of Renji's mouth.

"Good, I was thinkin' you were getting distracted by emo' stuff again."

"It is not 'emo stuff' Renji," came the dry reply, "it is called 'being romantic'."

The redhead laughed, a hearty rumble that lightened and warmed the already erratic beat of the noble's heart. The lieutenant snaked his hand around the back of Byakuya's head and brought it down for a kiss. What started out playful soon turned demanding, Renji's tongue taking ownership of the noble's mouth. His lips moved to suck on Byakuya's lower lip, and gave it a nip, then laved at it in mock apology.

The brunette then broke from his fukutaicho's mouth and worked his way down the tattooed neck, pulling the marked skin covering the jugular into his mouth for a delicious bite and hard suck. That got a whimper from the redhead. Another small smile graced itself on the noble...every passionate noise his lieutenant made was like music to his ears. He was usually rewarded with a symphony by the time the night was over.

He moved down the neck, to the hollow of the collarbone, lapping at the perspiration already working its way out of the redhead's skin. He inhaled deeply, wanting to drown in the fragrance of his lover... a spiciness, an earthiness... and if he could describe it, he would call it life. Abarai oozed _life_.

Byakuya's hands were never idle. They moved and caressed the hot skin; sometimes ghosting over the ribs, or scraping his fingernails across a taut abdomen, feeling the muscles jump and tighten under his hands. Now his left hand was working its way up, stroking smooth skin to stop at a bronze nipple. Lowering his head to the opposite pairing, he simultaneously pinched and rolled one between his thumb and forefinger, while sucking the other into his mouth. The combination of sharp stimulation and wet heat garnered a sharp gasp and groan. He suckled on it to bring it to a hard bud, pulling at it with blunt teeth, then used the tip of his tongue to flick it, tease it, lave at it, until the redhead started to writhe beneath him.

He continued on his journey to follow the tattoos, kissing them down to the abdomen, then taking his tongue to circle around the belly button. He poked his warm tongue into the dip, watching the muscles ripple and clench. He glanced up at Renji, to see that his head was tipped to one side, hair ablaze upon the pillows. Desire laden eyes were heavy, but watching him. He could see the glimmer off the ruby lenses, intense and blazing...watching him move toward his next destination...the throbbing erection.

He met that gaze directly as he used the flat of his tongue to lick the rock hard shaft from base to glistening tip. A harsh exhale worked it's way out of the tattooed throat, as Renji fought to keep his eyelids open. Byakuya swirled his tongue around the rosy head, and pulled the tip into his mouth for a light suck. The point of his tongue teased the sensitive opening atop the head before descending down the solid length; a rough gasp and an even louder moan followed. Restless hands found their way onto an onyx head, threading themselves into the soft mass, eliciting an appreciative hum from the captain. Hands tightened in reflex to the vibration sent from Byakuya's mouth to the redhead's cock, a nice tug to the hair resulted.

Renji lost his battle in keeping Byakuya in his sights. His lids slid closed in pleasure, eyes rolling into his head. The heat, the soft wet heat of Byakuya's mouth enveloping him was driving him insane. And the tongue...he was being worshiped with that knowing tongue teasing all his sensitive spots, stimulating every one of his nerves to center _right there_. He was being pulled into a vacuum where the only thing he could feel was how good, how hot he felt. He was burning.

Byakuya felt his eyes dilate at that delicious pull to his hair. He used lips and tongue to work his mouth down the engorged rod, using a light suction and rubbing and teasing under the shaft with his tongue. He moved his head up and down, hollowing his cheeks and engaging in a harder suck on some upswings, and more muscle play on others. He could hear the gasping of his fukutaicho getting louder, and less controlled.

He reached up for the bottle of oil, and liberally slicked up two fingers. As he continued his oral ministrations, Byakuya glided his hand along the lean flank of his fukutaicho, to caress the firm muscle and tease at his opening. Slowly he eased one finger into the redhead, hearing the soft groan that accompanied that action. He pumped his finger in deeper, spreading the oil, stretching that incredibly tight, incredibly hot cavern. He added a second finger to help the first, encouraged by the ever increasing volume from the uninhibited redhead. He groped higher into his lover searching for the tight bundle of nerves, and found it a second later when he felt hips buck into his mouth and heard the sharp gasping cry. He focused on that spot; on pleasuring his mate.

Renji was walking a fine line of tight control. Every time Byakuya massaged _that _spot inside him, waves of indescribable pleasure rolled through him, crushing his thoughts, taking over his need to breathe, bringing him closer to the edge. He knew noises were escaping his throat, but he was unable to hold them back. His taicho was _so_ good at this... reducing him to a puddle of delirious goo...mindful of only one conclusion-- release.

"Bya...kuya.." at a loss for oxygen he called, tugging lightly at his captain's hair; groaning when the brunette's mouth and fingers let go of him, but eager to move on. Still keeping a hold of his captain, he brought Byakuya's face up to his and kissed him passionately, with tongue and teeth and lips; restraint all but lost due to the expertise of his lover. When he pulled back, they were both panting.

"Fuck me..." he growled desperately, eyes fever bright, "like its been too long...fuck me like you never want to be without me ever again."

The response from those mercury depths was to darken even further and ignite…a black flame. Byakuya could feel his body responding to the encouragement immediately, something within him quickening. He crushed his lips into the redhead, taking what breath the other had left, thrusting urgently with his tongue, promising more...more...

The noble slicked himself quickly, eyes fluttering closed for a second as his own touch felt so good on his long neglected arousal. In short time, he was positioned at Renji's entrance, the redhead's long legs over each shoulder. Byakuya leaned forward over his lover; he ground out a short "brace yourself", then thrust in with one smooth snap of his hips. He bit back a shout, feeling himself engulfed in such soft, tight, heat... he wanted nothing more than to lose himself mindlessly into the one beneath him.

_Oh gods_...that exquisite, delicious stretch. Renji moaned loud and deep, as the back of his head pushed into the soft pillows. Trying to regain his senses, he was quickly swept away by the momentum of the man conquering his body.

Giving the redhead but a second to adjust, Byakuya began a slow series of long hard thrusts meant to give Renji the most pleasure. The long legs moved to wrap around his waist, to pull him in tighter, as hips bucked up to meet him. Byakuya leaned down to taste again, the elixir of Abarai, running his tongue into the panting mouth, a mouth giving rise to moans unfettered. He picked up the rhythm, watching the pleasure play out on the beautiful face below him.

It felt _so_ good...but it wasn't enough...he needed more. "Hold on..." he whispered.

Byakuya spread his thighs to widen his base, then placed his left hand on Renji's hip, the other wrapped under his back with the right hand between his shoulder blades. He lifted the fukutaicho up so the redhead was now sitting in his lap, straddling his thighs. This new position not only forced him in deeper, it allowed him the angle to brush repeatedly against that pleasure spot within his lover with every thrust.

Now they were chest to chest, slick skin on slick skin. Byakuya kept his arm around Renji's back, burying his face into the crook of his fukutaicho's neck. His hot tongue darted out to lick at the hollow above the redhead's collarbone, placing open mouthed kisses there, sucking and biting on the tight skin. He bathed the tattooed flesh with long strokes; tasting the salt, the sweat... the sex and virility of Abarai Renji on the tip of his tongue.

Byakuya was able to satisfy his need to be totally immersed…to feel and taste every inch of sweat and skin, to be buried in such incredible heat... The captain smoothly rolled his hips upward, using his legs and thighs to raise himself off the bed, then stroked in a steady rhythm, snapping his hips forward and up, to impale his lover with every stoke.

A lusty groan had the redhead acknowledging his satisfaction at this positional change. He tightened his long legs around Byakuya's waist, and ground his hips down to meet his lover. His head fell back; his crimson mane sticking to his neck and sweat soaked back, his half lidded eyes glazing over in pleasure. He stretched and angled his taut neck, the black markings danced as he swallowed convulsively, whimpers of pleasure starting to escape his throat unheeded.

Byakuya had never been more encouraged by such simple noise, he was driven by an escalating passion, a primitive need for more…he tipped his head up, flicking his tongue to the underside of Renji's chin…to attach his mouth to that one spot Renji loved…and sucked…hard. His hips ever demanding in their insistent pace.

Renji choked on a groan, felt his pulse skyrocket…that electrifying pull went straight to his groin. The warmth, it spread…he could feel the tingle at the base of his spine, starting to work its way to his fingertips. His length, rubbing erotically between the toned bellies of both men, heavy and velvety smooth, twitched and jumped… the friction tearing another groan from the enthralled fukutaicho.

Renji raised his hands, and threaded them through damp silky raven hair. Blunt fingernails scraped against Byakuya's scalp, extracting a hum of approval from the quiet man. Using his hold for leverage, he pulled Byakuya's lips off his throat and tilted his lover's face up. Renji's mouth descended upon his captain's; hungrily searching with lips and teeth, sucking on the noble's tongue to the same tempo moving inside him. He pulled back, panting open mouthed, his forehead resting on his lover's…"It's been…too long… Byakuya…" his voice thick and needy, "…I can't…I'm gonna…"

Byakuya leaned back a little to grasp Renji's sizable girth in his oil slicked immaculate hand. He pumped him quickly, knowingly, exactly the right way his lover needed it… in time to the increasing grind of his hips. He canted his hips a little, changed the angle just so… and then he was pounding directly into his lovers prostate. The result was instantaneous. Renji's eyes squeezed shut, mouth wide open, an unceasing escalating moan ripped out of his throat.

He felt the man above him tense in anticipation, a rough growl crawling out of Renji's throat as his arms wound and tightened around the brunette's neck and shoulders.

With a hoarse shout, the redhead's neck snapped back, as his body convulsed and shuddered, white light painted his vision, as his essence shot out to coat their bellies and the noble's pristine hand.

The exquisite sensations of intense heat and rhythmic clenching muscle on his arousal, coupled with the auditory reverb of his lusty fukutaicho sent Byakuya spiraling into his own climax. With a strangled breathy moan, his head fell forward onto Renji's shoulder as his hips and back arched up into the spent redhead. He thrust just twice more as he felt the blue fire of electricity trip up and down his spine, to coalesce at the center of his being and explode, spilling himself into the relaxing heat of his lover, propelling him to euphoria as he rode out an intense wave of rolling pleasure.

Exhausted and panting, Byakuya stretched out and laid them both down on the bed. He rolled onto his back, taking in deep breaths to calm his racing heart. He reached up with his left hand to move soaked strands of ebony hair off his forehead and cheek, only to find that a large, warm hand had already beaten it there.

He purred as that hand moved to comb through his hair, leaning into the addictive touch on his scalp. He opened his eyes to find sated burgundy orbs languidly staring into his own; a large, satisfied grin accompanied the comforting touch.

"You are...fuckin' incredible..." the redhead declared warmly, slowly catching his own breath.

Byakuya arched a graceful eyebrow, then smirked openly. "..Indeed..." he chuckled. It felt good to laugh again…only Renji could do it after this mind blowing experience they just had.

His young lover leaned in to bestow a tender kiss... soft lips moved over his own, encouraging his to open to a leisurely tongue that gently and sensually rubbed with his own. Eventually, Renji pulled back, and when the noble looked into those eyes again, his breath hitched. A seriousness and somber expression gave him pause...

"I love you, Byakuya." His words echoed through eternity, filled with the promise of their future, "Thank you for coming to find me... thank you for bringing me home."

_Oh, what this man will do to his heart_…Byakuya paused, and reached into his own soul, to bare it to the love of his life…"Renji, you are the one who has brought me back into the realm of the living, who has shown me that the heart that beats in this chest, no matter how much it may want to hide away, is not dead. It is I who should be thanking you...for sharing your love of life, with me."

"You have taught me that I _want _to live... with you. I love _you_, Renji."

He paused, then wanting to tease a little, ominously intoned, "I told you I would _always_ find you…Fukutaicho, I did not mention it was whether you wanted me to or not." Another quirk of his brow followed.

The redhead choked. "Are you attempting humor?!" Renji chuckled and pulled the brunette up against his chest, to nestle into his shoulder, "Wake the Soutaicho…Soul Society is burning!"

A sharp tweak of his nipple was the response he got.

"Ow! Hey!...don't be starting things you can't finish!…"

He was pinned quicker than he ever thought possible. The noble straddled his waist, his wrists were restrained on either side of his head by strong delicate hands, and there was a dangerous glint in those charcoal eyes…as his taicho leaned down…

"You forget your place again, Fukutaicho." His captain purred into his ear…the hot breath tickling his senses.

"Then you better show me where my place is…" Renji replied, a little breathier than we wanted to sound. The power play action _always_ pushed his buttons.

"Mmmm…my pleasure…fukutaicho…I think for this, you will need to be taught over…and over…and over again…." Byakuya's seductive baritone sending a shiver down his spine; each "over" constituted a leisurely lick of a wicked tongue and nip of teeth on a bared neck.

The last coherent thought Renji had that night was "...hallelujah".

* * *

A/N:....and there it is.  
I hoped you all enjoyed the longer chapter...if I had broken it up I think I would've gotten hate mail.  
Thanks to everyone who read, kept up, and had such wonderful comments on this story! It really became a monster from the short story I had originally planned on doing. This was my first multi chaptered fanfiction, I really enjoyed writing it. Thanks for coming along for the ride!


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